Forget Me Not
by ijustkeepswimming
Summary: Convinced that Charlie will cheer up if she enjoys some romance, Ruby sets her up on a dating website...
1. Chapter 1

_Okay, so now that Charlie and Angelo are over and he is finally gone, I have ventured back into watching Home and Away again. I don't get this 'Charlie and Brax are a perfect couple' malarkey. Personally, I think they're only a fraction less hideous than Charlie and Angelo and I wish they would realise what a gem they've got in Esther Anderson and actually give her something to work with instead of this 'Charlie meets someone, dates them in secret and then watches it all go wrong'. It's really quite dull. These days, I mostly watch because Dex is hilarious!_

_But anyway, that ramble got a little out of hand. The reason I was explaining that I still watch it is because a few weeks or so ago, they ran this storyline that Ruby set Charlie up on a dating website and an idea pinged into my brain. I've approached it a little differently because I started writing it before the episode aired, but yes, that's the basic premise. Guess who she gets chatting to...!_

_I really appreciated feedback, especially on new stories as I get all nervous when I post something new. I really hope you enjoy this one. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter One**

"Ruby, I really don't need a dating site," Charlie Buckton said desperately.

The police Sergeant sat down in the chair beside her seventeen year old daughter who was busily setting up a profile on a singles website.

"So, do you want me to say you're looking for just men or for men and women?" Ruby asked, ignoring her protests.

Charlie had been alone and single for nearly four months and Ruby was convinced that if only she could meet someone nice then she would at the very least, chill out, smile and stop hassling Ruby and her new boyfriend, Casey. It had been a turbulent time to say the least. The previous year, after an argument with her ex-boyfriend, Angelo, in all her panicky wisdom, Charlie had attempted to force the relationship into a place she wasn't ready for. They'd survived living together for a couple of months but it had become very clear very quickly that Charlie was unhappy and uncomfortable. Ruby didn't really know exactly what had happened and at first she had jumped to the conclusion that her mother had freaked out over the commitment and dumped him. But as it had turned out, Angelo had been the one to end things, having realised that living together and progressing through their rollercoaster of a relationship was never going to work.

"I'm not looking for either," Charlie snapped.

She shifted a little uncomfortably, debating over whether now was the time to tell the truth or not. She wasn't in a relationship per se, but she was seeing something and it was a secret. Having not learned from her mistakes, she was not only dating a local bad boy, Darryl 'Brax' Braxton, but she was adamant that they had to sneak around. She was ashamed. It could easily affect her career and her standing in the community to be a police officer who was sleeping with a notorious River Boy. She also didn't relish the idea of Ruby labelling her as the hypocrite she was. And on top of that, if she was going to get hurt and if it was going to die a death sooner rather than later, then she very much preferred to do that privately. She didn't want to broadcast an irrational and ill advised romance to the world.

"Well, a site like this isn't really for asexuals," Ruby remarked.

"Ruby, I don't want to advertise myself on a dating site, okay?" Charlie said desperately. "Please would you drop this?"

"No, Charlie!" Ruby insisted. "I have watched you fling from one romantic disaster to the next – Roman, Angelo, Miles, Joey, Hugo behind Joey's back..."

"Thanks," Charlie said bitterly.

She did not need to be reminded of the worst mistake of her life. It haunted her quite readily enough without people pointing it out.

"Then Angelo, and then Angelo again, oh and then Angelo again, and um... then Angelo again... was it only four times you broke up and got back together or am I missing one?"

Charlie merely glared, refusing to dignify her daughter with an answer. Ruby was only getting cheekier the older she got. It was very irritating.

"So, gender preference?" the teenager persisted.

"Men," Charlie decided. "Joey was different. She's the only person I want to be with."

Ruby raised her eyebrows. Charlie flushed at her mistake.

"I mean, she's the only woman I want to be with," she said quickly. "I mean, no, not that. Just... I want her to have been the only one."

Ruby stopped typing and studied Charlie's face.

"Do you still love her?" she asked seriously.

"Of course I still love her," Charlie admitted. "We broke up because I was too damn stupid to keep her, not because I didn't love her. I did. I do. I probably always will."

"Well, we could probably try and track her down if you wanted," Ruby said. "It's been two years. Maybe she'll have found a way to forgive you by now? I mean, she might be on Facebook..."

"She's not," Charlie said quickly. "I checked."

"I could still do some digging if you like," Ruby offered.

"I was never any good for her, Rubes," Charlie said sadly. "Letting her go was the right thing to do. She's probably off having a lovely time now. She's probably working a job she loves, dating a wonderful woman... she doesn't need me haunting her. That part of our lives is over now."

"Okay," Ruby replied, turning back to the computer. "So, tell me a little about you..."

"Ruby, I don't want to do this," Charlie said seriously.

"You speak like you get a choice," Ruby said.

Groaning, Charlie resigned herself to helping fill the form out. She could only hope that nobody would be interested in her so she could carry on her torrid affair in peace and secrecy. She had no idea where things with Brax were going. She didn't even know if she _wanted _them to go anywhere. But he was attractive and interesting and she couldn't help but find the bad boy thing rather alluring and somewhat dangerous. And although he had a nice side that seemed to be shining through more and more, Charlie was in no doubt that he would ever be the irritating, sappy, emotional type that Angelo had been. She was resolute in her desire to keep Brax at arm's length. She'd wanted that with Angelo too but he wanted to settle down and be a family. He wanted to constantly discuss their relationship and always push it forward. It pissed her off and she hadn't been able to cope. At the end of the day, she just didn't think she was that kind of girl. For her all too short relationship with Joey, she had briefly wanted those things. She'd felt content, safe and loved. And she had loved her in return, even if poorly. But that was over now and Charlie was determined not to get that close to anyone again. Flings were all she needed. It was easier on the heart.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie ponders over whether to admit online that she's bisexual and in a fit of curiosity, gets talking to a girl...<em>


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

At the end of a long day, Charlie sank down on the couch with a glass of wine. She'd worked from morning till afternoon and then sneaked off for a quickie with Brax at some random hotel. The affair made her feel both cheap and excited all at the same time. It was a strange feeling. Sighing as she flicked through television channels, Charlie spotted her laptop on the dining table out of the corner of her eye. Ruby had dragged her through what seemed like hundreds of profiles last night, trying to find her a date on the stupid website she'd signed her up to. It had been more than a little tedious. And it made her feel guilty, knowing that she was actually carrying on in secret with Ruby's boyfriend's brother. Everything felt ever so complicated. Trying to focus on the television again, Charlie's eyes wandered back to her laptop. Wondering why she was bothering when she really didn't want to date any of the guys Ruby had shown her the night before, Charlie stood up and opened the computer anyway.

When she was on the right page, Charlie checked her messages but there were none, which she wasn't sure if she felt happy or sad about. On the one hand, she was offended that nobody seemed interested in her and on the other, she was relieved not to have any further complications. She was just about to shut the laptop down again when a thought occurred to her. Shaking her head, she tried to forget about it. Her life was already complicated enough without her making it worse but almost against her own will, she selected a search for women looking for women.

A lesbian relationship wasn't something Charlie wanted to try again. It had been amazing with Joey in every respect and certainly on a physical level, it had been the best sex she'd ever had. Brax was a good competitor and was a million times better than Angelo had ever been, not to mention Roman, but Joey would always be number one in her mind. She wasn't entirely sure if it was because Joey was Joey or because she was a woman but she suspected the former. Everything about her ex girlfriend had been perfect as far as Charlie was concerned. And she knew her hesitation about dating another female was largely based in not wanting to tarnish the special memories she and Joey had created – well, not anymore than she already had. And if she was going to make it work with a girl then surely Joey should be that person.

Flicking through the thumbnails of the various lesbians and bisexual girls that had signed up to the site, she couldn't help but click on a few of their profiles. Some of them were extremely attractive and she was both pleased and horrified to notice. Licking her lips, she pondered over whether she ought to change herself into a bisexual on screen. It wouldn't hurt to keep her options open. _No, _she thought to herself. _You said you wanted to see where things could go with Brax, even if it is still a secret. Don't complicate your life._

Charlie was just about to exit the page when she spotted a photo of someone very familiar. Her breath caught as she enlarged a photograph of the most beautiful woman she had ever seen – her name was Joey Collins. Chewing her lip anxiously, Charlie stared at the picture. Joey's pretty face smiled out at her. She was wearing a fitted white t-shirt that showed off toned and tanned arms. Her hair was shorter, cut to her shoulders. She looked as perfect as she always did, aside from what looked like a small scar on her forehead.

Clicking away from the photo, Charlie scanned the page, hungry for information on her lost love. Her heart raced as Joey explained her job as a volunteer and a love of writing poetry. She was surprised to find no mention of boats or the sea or any of the things Joey had been so crazy about in her former life, aside from an apparent love of _Finding Nemo_, judging by her screen name. Charlie remembered that well.

On impulse, Charlie clicked on the flashing message that said Joey, or DoryTheBlueFish was online. Suddenly, she found she had opened an instant message chat box. The curser waited for her to type something. With trembling fingers, Charlie began:

"Hi, Joey. Look, I know I probably shouldn't get in touch, especially on a dating site of all places. But I randomly found your profile and I couldn't stop myself. It's been so long since I last heard from you, although I know that's my fault and not yours. But I miss you."

Sinking back against the couch cushions, Charlie gulped down the rest of her wine and hurriedly poured another glass. Her heart was pounding at the thought that she had actually made contact with the woman she had loved all this time. She stared at the white screen until her eyes hurt and her message began to go blurry. Eventually, another message flashed up.

"Hi CharlieTheMachine. I'm sorry but, do I know you?"

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie finds out exactly what Joey has been up to over the last two years...<em>


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks for all the lovely feedback on this story so far. And well done to everyone who guessed what's coming next... Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Three**

Charlie hesitated. She double checked Joey's photo. It was most definitely her familiar, beautiful face smiling through the lens. Sighing, she struggled not to feel rejected as she cobbled together a response.

"Sorry. I should have known better than to get in touch with you. I'm sorry."

She was just about to sign off and shut the laptop down, ready to go to bed, completely disheartened, when a message flashed up.

"I wasn't being sarcastic. I was genuinely asking if I know you."

Chewing her lip, Charlie puzzled over what to respond. She checked her own photo, just in case Ruby had put something obscure up since last night. But no, it was definitely her. In fact, it was a photo from a couple of years ago that Joey herself had commented on, and favourably at that.

"Do I look that different?" she asked.

The curser blinked at her for a few more moments before a longer response came back.

"I had an accident a couple of years ago. I don't even know MY name, let alone anyone else's. But please, do I know you? You called me Joey. Is that my name? Can you help me?"

Charlie stared. Her mouth hung open a little in surprise. She read Joey's response over and over again. She jumped when Ruby appeared behind her, having been out with Casey for the evening.

"Hey, Charlie," she greeted warmly. "Is this the dating site I see before me?"

Charlie looked back, still a little bewildered. She nodded but didn't really want her daughter to know what the situation was just yet.

"I thought I'd give it a go," she said vaguely.

"Good!" Ruby enthused. "Anyone nice?"

"Maybe," Charlie ventured, still studying Joey's message.

Another flashed up.

"Are you still there?" it asked. "If you do know me, I'd love to talk to you. Please?"

"Well, I'm going to bed," Ruby said brightly.

Charlie tried not to look too relieved. Bidding Ruby goodnight, she turned back to the screen.

"Yes, I do know you. Well, I used to," she wrote.

"When?" came the desperate response. "Where am I from? Is my name Joey? What's that short for? Who am I?"

Charlie felt a knot tighten in her stomach. Of all the responses she thought she might have received from her long lost love, this was not it.

"Your name is Joanne Collins," she wrote. "Joey for short. You were born and raised in Summer Bay but you left at the end of April 2009 to go on a long haul with a fishing trawler. You love boats, working out, dogs and _Ghost Whisperer_."

She waited patiently, her mind racing.

"How long was the long haul meant to be for?" Joey asked.

"Three months."

"So, I would have come back at the end of July 2009?"

"Yes."

"That's when I woke up in hospital."

Charlie closed her eyes. She felt her heart break a little more about the situation Joey had ended up in. All this time, she'd thought that she'd decided she didn't love her anymore. She'd thought that was why Joey hadn't come home or even got in touch. But once again, she had been mistaken.

"Why didn't anyone miss me?" Joey asked.

Charlie could imagine her voice, meek and sad at being abandoned.

"I missed you," she replied immediately.

"Then why has it been two years? Why didn't anyone come looking for me?"

"I thought you'd just decided not to come home," Charlie explained.

"Why would I do that?"

"I'm sorry."

"No, I'm not having a go. I'm genuinely asking. CharlieTheMachine, I don't have a clue who I am, where I've been or how I even managed to get washed up on a beach somewhere. I have no memory, no understanding of my life. I live in supported housing because it's been like starting completely from scratch in the body of a woman in her twenties. I mean, I presume I'm in my twenties. I don't know."

"You'll be twenty five now," Charlie told her.

"When's my birthday?"

"1st August."

"So, I'll be twenty six on my next birthday?"

"Yes."

"Why would you think I wouldn't come back when I said I would?" Joey asked. "Am I just that like of person? Flakey or something? Unreliable?"

"No, you're very reliable. But you left home in a pretty bad way. You and I had fallen out and that was on the back of a pretty bad few months for you. You left to clear your head."

"Well I certainly did that!" Joey remarked.

Charlie couldn't help but laugh. It felt completely inappropriate but it was nice to hear Joey's humour still shining through circumstance.

"What did we argue about? How well did we know each other? Are we friends? How long have we been in each other's lives?"

"Not long," Charlie admitted. "I met you in February 2009 and I lost you in April."

"We had a fight?"

"Yes."

"And we were friends?"

Charlie paused. She checked on Joey's profile. She had selected that she was interested in both men and women. _Maybe she doesn't remember that she's gay_, Charlie mused to herself. _Or maybe she's changed_. Still, with the encouragement of Joey also selecting women, she decided to take the risk.

"We were lovers," she said.

The wait between then and Joey's next message was agonising. Charlie was sure her response was taking hours. It was probably not even a minute.

"Oh," was all she said.

Charlie twisted her fingers together in anxiety. How on earth was she meant to communicate with someone she had such profound memories of when Joey didn't know anything about her?

"That makes sense," Joey finally added.

"It does?"

"Well, I haven't had a relationship since the accident. I've been on a couple of dates recently but I'm not exactly baggage free. I tried to date men but I just wasn't interested in them. But I have no idea how I'm meant to come out to myself for a second time when I don't even remember the first."

"The first time's hard enough, hey?" Charlie remarked.

"I wouldn't know. So, we dated?"

"We did."

"But we broke up?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I couldn't handle being labelled as gay. I'd only ever been interested in men before I met you. You kind of turned my world upside down. And even though I adored you, I can't say I handled things very well. I hurt you. And you left."

More silence ensued. Charlie down the rest of her wine and was disappointed to find the bottle empty.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I don't blame you for leaving me. I didn't want you to go but I understood. I hurt you. And you'd already been hurt before."

"By girlfriends?"

"A little. But mostly other people."

"Like who?"

Charlie struggled. She did not want to suddenly blurt out the truth of what had happened to her. She wanted to protect her from the memories of Robbo.

"Your brother wasn't very accepting of your sexuality," she finally typed.

"I have a brother?"

"Yes. His name's Brett."

"Brett Collins?"

"Yes."

"Where does he live?"

"He lives here in Summer Bay."

"But we don't talk? He didn't miss me?"

"He missed you. But you were upset with him too. And he hates me so if you had kept in touch, I wouldn't have known about it."

"I seem to have left a pretty complicated life behind..." Joey ventured.

"I guess you did. Do you know anything about what happened to you?"

"I was found washed up on the beach. I spent a couple of weeks in a coma. But I didn't have any sort of ID or anything. My fingerprints weren't on the police database and they put my face in the papers and stuff but nobody ever claimed me. I've been lost property all this time."

"I'm so sorry for what you've been through, Joey," Charlie told her sincerely.

"It's not your fault. You didn't push me overboard... did you!"

Charlie laughed and was quick to assure her that she didn't.

"But if I hadn't upset you so much, you would never have got on that trawler in the first place."

"There's no point taking responsibility for it, CharlieTheMachine. Nobody knows what their individual decisions will lead to. And accepting your sexuality is a big deal. I'm sorry if I ever did anything to make that harder for you."

"You didn't," Charlie replied quickly. "You were perfect. I always knew you were too good for me."

She was met with silence. Quickly, she apologised for getting too heavy.

"It's fine," Joey told her. "It's just that my head is spinning pretty fast right now."

"I can hardly imagine," Charlie admitted.

"Is your name actually Charlie?"

"Yes. Charlie Buckton. And the record, the screen name wasn't my idea! It was my daughter's. I wanted to be SuperCop."

She blanched the moment she'd pressed send. Joey had only ever known Ruby to be Charlie's sister. Being her daughter would be a complicated issue. She suddenly had no idea whether to explain it all or let it be. But if she didn't tell the truth about things, surely there would be no chance of Joey remembering her past life.

"And _are _you a super cop?" was all Joey responded.

Charlie laughed.

"I don't know about the super part but I am a cop – a Sergeant. You knew me as a Senior Constable though."

"You have a daughter?" Joey dared to ask.

"Yes. She's seventeen."

"Did I know her?"

"Yes. Her name's Ruby. You two got along really well, once she'd recovered from the shock of me falling for a woman."

Again, she could kick herself. It was too heavy to start writing about falling for her. Only a few minutes ago, Joey hadn't even known her name or her age. And suddenly she was being forced to recall a love affair she didn't even know had happened.

"How old are you?" was all Joey asked. "From your photo, you don't look old enough to have a teenage daughter, I don't think."

"I'm thirty one," Charlie explained. "I had Ruby when I was very young."

"Oh."

"It's kind of a long story," Charlie added.

"Did I know the story when I knew you?" Joey asked.

"No. I ran out of time to share that kind of thing with you."

"Oh."

Charlie sighed. She felt anxious, worried that she was messing everything up all over again.

"What have your doctors said?" she asked, changing the subject a little. "Will you ever get your memory back?"

"They said no because I had no concept of who I was or where I belonged. I've been calling myself Jude all this time. I don't know why. It was just the first name that popped into my head. I don't know anybody from my past. I have no connections. The doctors said that without anyone or anything to trigger my memories, I'd probably lose them forever."

"I'm sorry," Charlie said sympathetically. "And in case you wanted to know, Jude was your mother's name."

Four and half minutes passed before Joey responded. Charlie grew more anxious by the second, worried that she had done something wrong.

"Sorry," Joey finally said. "I had a fit of uncontrollable tears. It probably sounds stupid but I feel like you're giving me my life back somehow. Does my mother live near you too?"

"I'm sorry," Charlie replied hesitantly. "Your parents died when you were a teenager."

"Oh."

Silence filled the air until Charlie typed 'sorry' again.

"Not your fault," Joey replied. "Thank you for being honest with me. And at least I can't blame them for not missing me!"

She put a little smiley face on the screen. In reality, Charlie smiled back.

"Charlie, I'm pretty overwhelmed and exhausted right now," Joey said. "Could we maybe chat tomorrow?"

"I'd love to."

"Thank you."

"Take care, okay?" Charlie said. "I finish work at seven tomorrow. I could start chatting at seven thirty if you were free?"

"I'm always free," Joey replied. "Meet you here at seven thirty. And thank you again. You have no idea what you've just done for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you."

"I just wish I'd been able to find you sooner."

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie gives Brax the brush off while Joey has more questions about her past...<em>


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Charlie had hardly been able to concentrate at work all day. All she could think about was Joey, poor Joey who had suffered so much for the past two years. Well, she had suffered for longer than that really. What with losing her parents, being raped and almost killed by Robbo, rejected by Brett and then cheated on by Charlie, her life had been unhappy long before she'd set sail. And those things were problems in themselves. Right now, Charlie was Joey's one, longed for connection to her life but where was she meant to start explaining? It had been hard to tell her that her mother was dead. Was it even fair to tell her off the physical and emotional pain her colleague had put her through? And then there was their former relationship to deal with. Charlie was currently in a position of power. She held all the cards. If she was able to be everything Joey needed her to be now then maybe she could win her heart again. But how could she be anything Joey wanted if she confessed the truth about their breakup? Joey would hate her all over again. Sighing heavily, she admitted that she didn't have the first clue how to handle the situation.

The police officer jumped when her mobile phone sprung the life. Picking it up, she saw 'Brax' calling and debated over whether to answer or not. Right now, he was just another complication. Even without the Joey problem, Brax was a River Boy. He hung around with people that she arrested week in and week out. And while she knew it wasn't fair to judge him for not necessarily being very clean cut, she also knew it would damage her reputation. But then, her shame over falling in love with Joey was what had cost her a wonderful relationship. She'd just about managed to step out of that anxiety with Angelo, who she'd dated and dumped so many times she'd lost count. And she was definitely attracted to Brax. She liked the way he had this nice, gentle side that he hid from so many people but seemed able to share with her. He was gorgeous and unlike the last three men she'd slept with, as far as she knew, he'd never killed anyone. But it was lust more than anything – lust and loneliness. She certainly wasn't experiencing any kind of emotional or spiritual connection with him. And she doubted it was really going anywhere. She was also very aware that the only person she had ever considered herself capable of having a long term romance with was Joey.

Sighing, she let the phone ring off and then tried to focus on her work. The words blurred on her the screen as she pictured Joey's beautiful face. Every word she'd typed last night, she'd been able to hear in her head, in Joey's lovely, earnest voice. She had grown more beautiful, if that was possible. And Charlie felt absolutely terrible for having unwittingly let her suffer for two long years. She'd just thought that Joey had changed her mind about giving them another shot. It had never occurred to her that something terrible could have happened that would have prevented Joey from coming home. After the car accident with Brett, he'd snapped at her as if Joey had contacted him to say that she wouldn't be back. He'd said that Joey was never coming home. She'd resigned herself to dating Angelo who she'd known from the start was never going to make her happy, not the way Joey had. But all along, Joey had been suffering and alone.

* * *

><p>Charlie's phone sprung to life again.<p>

"Hi," she said, deciding to answer Brax's call.

"Hey," he replied in his usual, lazy manner. "How are you fixed for tonight? Still want to go to that hotel?"

Charlie's mind immediately flashed to Joey. They'd arranged to speak on the Internet and it wasn't a date she was willing to break.

"I can't," she said. "Something's come up. Sorry."

"What's come up?" he asked. "Anything I can do to help?"

"No," Charlie said awkwardly. "It's just... family stuff. Maybe at the weekend?"

He sighed. It was only Wednesday.

"Sorry," she said again.

"Look, it's hard enough dating you in secret, Charlie, without even being allowed to see you," Brax admitted, sounding a little annoyed. "Are you actually into this or aren't you?"

Charlie sighed, feeling awkward and uncertain over what to say. This time yesterday, she had been totally into it. Half of her excitement had been borne out of the secrecy of it all. But now, her heart was heavy with burdens. Once more, she was finding it impossible to get Joey Collins out of her head.

"I am into it," she said. "Into you. I just... can't tonight."

"Okay," Brax sighed.

She heard him smile as his tone changed.

"Sorry for getting annoyed," he said. "I just really like spending time with you. And I was looking forward for a few hours instead of snatched ten minutes here and there. I haven't shown you even a quarter of what I'm capable of!"

Charlie laughed.

"Well, I'll look forward to it at the weekend," she said, although it wasn't exactly true.

* * *

><p>Arriving home, Charlie said a brief hello to Ruby before dashing into the bedroom and turning the laptop on. She had ten minutes to go but she wanted to get changed and settled before she started chatting again. Crawling onto the bed in jeans and t-shirt, Charlie pulled the computer onto her lap and rested against the pillows. Signing into the website quickly, she was thrilled to find that DoryTheBlueFish was already there.<p>

"Hi," she greeted, adding a smiley face. "Have you been here long?"

"I got a bit over excited at talking to you again!" Joey admitted. "How are you?"

"I'm good, thanks. And you?"

"Still pretty overwhelmed, to be honest. But really happy too. My Doctor was also thrilled that I have a name and date of birth and all that jazz! It's been quite the revelation!"

"I'm glad I was able to help you," Charlie replied.

"Me too. I've been desperate for answers for so long but I've never known where to start looking. And I've never found anyone who could help me. I mean, I get a lot of care from the staff here and I have a lot of support at the hospital and everything but I don't have any connections to my past or anything like that. So meeting you is really special."

"Well, I'm pretty thrilled to be talking to you," Charlie admitted. "I know you don't remember me, but you meant the world to me. You still do. You always will."

This time, she had no hesitation or regret over being real about her feelings. Whether she'd tell Joey about her more painful experiences or not, Charlie hadn't quite decided. But one thing was for sure, if she got the chance, she was going to prove to Joey just how much she loved her.

"Can you tell me more about us, Charlie?" Joey asked. "How did we meet? What were we like together? Were we in love? Lust? Please, tell me everything."

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie fills in some blanks for Joey about their relationship...<em>


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Charlie took a deep breath before she braced herself to type.

"We met in February 2009," she began. "You were working on a fishing trawler with a lovely guy called Aden Jeffries. The two of you became pretty close friends."

"Does he still live where you live?" Joey asked. "Summer Bay, was it? I looked it up on a map. It's only an hour away from where I am."

"Where are you?" Charlie asked.

"A small town called Pelican Point," Joey explained. "And I live in supported housing, run by a charity called New Directions."

"Like Glee?" Charlie asked, amused.

"Sorry?"

Charlie laughed to herself. Joey really had been out of action for a while. She'd never met someone who hadn't heard of that particular show.

"It's a TV show," she explained.

"Oh. I don't watch much TV. Well, not fictional stuff. It confuses my brain a bit. Like, I don't always know what's real. That probably doesn't make any sense."

"It does," Charlie typed quickly. "I can hardly imagine what life must be like for you."

"Life with a brain injury isn't all that much fun," Joey admitted. "Especially when it feels like you have nobody. Most of the guys who live here are in a fairly similar position but most of them have at least one person who knew them from before."

"Well, you know one person now," Charlie ventured.

"Yeah," Joey said, adding a smiley face. "I do. And I was learning all about you before I interrupted. Sorry. I believe I was working on a trawler with someone call Aden?"

"Yes," Charlie replied. "You were a deckhand and you really loved it but there was some trouble with another crew member. He..."

Charlie hesitated over what to say and held off sending the message.

"... bullied you," she finally finished, pressing enter to let the message go.

"Badly?" Joey asked.

"Badly enough that you quit the trawler," Charlie revealed. "Aden introduced us because he was keen for me to help you."

"And you did?"

"As best I could. You were able to start leaving the bully behind. And you were brave enough to come out to your brother as being gay," Charlie said.

"But he didn't take it well?" Joey said.

"No. You came to live with me for a bit," Charlie said. "You didn't really have anywhere else to go and I'd started feeling responsible for you. I'd also started falling for you."

"Really?"

Charlie smiled. It had freaked her out at the time but thinking back, the experience of falling in love with Joey had been incredible. And it was a feeling that had never left her, no matter how long they had been apart.

"Yes," she said. "We became best friends and were pretty much inseparable. I think back so fondly of the time we spent together."

"But you identified as being heterosexual?" Joey asked. "Sorry for all the questions. I'm just trying to build up a picture of everything in my head."

"It's fine," Charlie assured her. "If I'm your only connection to your past then of course I want to be able to answer questions. I want to help you."

"Like you did before," Joey commented. "You must be a really special person, taking care of people the way you do. I can't get my head around the idea of leaving you if we cared so much about each other."

"We did," Charlie agreed. "But you were right to leave me. I was no good for you."

"We're skipping ahead," Joey realised. "Tell me the good stuff before the bad stuff!"

She sent a grinning emoticon, making Charlie laugh out loud. She was interrupted by a knock on the door. Ruby poked her head into the room.

"Who are you talking to?" she asked, confused when she found nobody in the room.

"Nobody," Charlie lied.

Ruby eyed the computer. Then she grinned.

"Have you got talking to someone?" she asked hopefully. "Is he making you laugh?"

"I'm just reading a story on the Internet," Charlie lied.

"A story?"

"That fanfiction stuff," Charlie said quickly. "It was funny. Made me laugh."

Ruby continued to look sceptical and then left her to it. Charlie turned back to the screen where Joey was waiting patiently for her next message.

"You took me out sailing one afternoon," Charlie told her. "It was a gorgeous day and you went to so much effort. You said it was to thank me. You taught me how to steer a boat, packed the most amazing lunch and we sat there almost all day just talking about anything and everything. Then a song came on that you loved."

"What was it?" Joey asked quickly.

"It was called Pick You Up by Dash and Will," Charlie told her.

"I don't remember them," Joey admitted. "But then, that's probably no great surprise!"

"Want me to send you the file?" Charlie offered.

"Would you?"

Charlie immediately set to work. She sent the file as quickly as possible.

* * *

><p>Sitting at one of the PC's in the communal room of the centre she called home, Joey rummaged around in a drawer for headphones. A couple of other patients were around and she didn't want to disturb them. The file downloaded quickly. Taking a deep breath and aware that her Doctor had told her that music could be a real memory trigger, she felt nervous. She'd listened to lots of music over the past two years but, not knowing what she was looking for, nothing had been useful so far. But if this track was significant to a day she should remember, then it could be a key to unlocking her own mind.<p>

Pressing play, the song began:

_Do you wanna pick it up?_

_Cause I wanna pick it up._

_Every day you pick it up._

_Oh, I wanna pick you up._

_Do you wanna pick it up?_

_Cause I wanna pick it up._

_Every day you pick it up._

_Oh, I wanna pick you up._

_I wanna pick you up._

_I wanna pick you up._

_Walking down the street_

_And I'm thinking of your name._

_Do you wanna see me later?_

_Could I call you in a day?_

_And I'm feeling kinda shaky, baby,_

_You bring out the worst in me._

_I gotta tell you I don't like_

_The way that you've been treating me._

Joey gripped the headphones and closed her eyes. Somewhere, deep in her mind, she felt like she had heard the song before. But it definitely wasn't within the last two years.

_Why don't you bring it to me?_

_Or you could sell it on the corner, baby;_

_How much are you asking for me?_

_Oh, you know what this could mean._

_I'm gonna take you round the corner, babe_

_And then you can buy something for me._

She tried to imagine herself on board a boat with the girl whose photo she had printed out the night before so that she could keep looking at her. She felt like Charlie was saving her life.

_Do you wanna pick it up_

_Cause I wanna pick it up_

_Every day you pick it up_

_Oh, I wanna pick you up_

_Do you wanna pick it up_

_Cause I wanna pick it up_

_Every day you pick it up_

_Oh, I wanna pick you up_

_I wanna pick you up_

_I wanna pick you up_

An image of dancing and laughing flashed through her mind. It was gone so quickly that it wasn't tangible. It wasn't a scene she could quite describe. But she tried to hold onto it for all she was worth.

_Walking down the street_

_And I'm thinking of your name._

_Do you wanna see me later?_

_Could I call you in a day?_

_And I'm feeling kinda shaky, baby,_

_You bring out the worst in me._

_I gotta tell you I don't like_

_The way that you've been treating me._

_Why don't you bring it to me?_

_Or you could sell it on the corner;_

_Baby, how much are you asking for me?_

_You know what this could mean._

_I'm gonna take you round the corner, babe_

_And then you can buy something for me,_

_Something for me._

She focussed hard on Charlie's picture and then closed her eyes again. Suddenly, she could see herself dancing. She felt like her whole body was moving in time to the music.

_Do you wanna pick it up_

_Cause I wanna pick it up_

_Every day you pick it up_

_Oh, I wanna pick you up_

_Do you wanna pick it up_

_Cause I wanna pick it up_

_Every day you pick it up_

_Oh, I wanna pick you up_

_Do you wanna pick it up_

_Cause I wanna pick it up_

_Every day you pick it up_

_Oh, I wanna pick you up_

In her mind's eye, she saw Charlie dancing too. She couldn't decide if it was a memory or a dream but it was more than she'd had for such a long time. She could see Charlie's slim form and beautiful face. She could picture her beautiful eyes and smiling lips. It felt like a memory, not that she knew what a memory truly felt like. But it was the closest she had come to understanding anything from her past in far too long.

_Why don't you bring it to me?_

_Or you could sell it on the corner_

_Baby, how much are you asking for me?_

_You know what this could mean_

_I'm gonna take you round the corner, babe_

_And then you can buy something for me_

_Why don't you bring it to me?_

_Or you could sell it on the corner_

_Baby, how much are you asking for me?_

_You know what this could be_

_I'm gonna take it round the corner_

_I'm gonna take you round the corner, babe_

_And then you can buy something for me_

_For me_

The song ended. Joey kept her eyes closed. She felt tears running down her cheeks and took several deep breaths. Her heart raced at the prospect of having a real, genuine connection to her past. When she finally opened her eyes again, she saw a new message from Charlie.

"Joey?" it read. "Are you still there?"

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie tells Joey more about their relationship...<em>


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

"I'm here," Joey assured her, typing quickly but feeling very much like she was in some kind of trance. "Sorry."

"Are you okay?" Charlie asked.

"I think I just had a memory," Joey admitted. "Listening to that song."

Both women hesitated, not sure what to type next.

"I remember your eyes," Joey ventured. "They're blue. Like the way the sea looks when the sun's shining on it."

At her computer, Charlie swallowed an immediate lump in her throat.

"That's what you used to say to me when we were together," she said.

Joey stared at the words. Tears surprised her by stinging her eyes.

"Did I?" she asked. "Charlie, please don't embellish things. I need to remember everything exactly as they were."

"I'm not embellishing anything," Charlie assured her. "I promise you."

"When did I say it?" Joey asked. "I'd love to know every single connection you have to my past."

"It was after we spent our first night together," Charlie ventured. "You know... intimately?"

Joey blushed but didn't type anything.

"We were in bed in the hotel. It was the early hours of the morning and it had been such an emotional, loving, special night. The moonlight was pouring in through the window. We were lying, facing each other, just holding hands, touching. Neither of us could stop smiling and we were feeling all shy over what we'd experienced with each other that night. You looked at me and stroked my hair and then you said it. You said you loved losing yourself in my eyes. And that they reminded you of the sea when the sun hits it just right. You told me I was beautiful."

"You are beautiful," Joey told her. "I mean, I know I've only seen your photo online, and that fraction of your face in my mind but I think you're beautiful. I think I had very good taste!"

She offered a smiley face that made Charlie laugh.

"You always made me feel beautiful," she said. "I think you were always too good for me. But I was always so happy when I was around you. Even when my head was a mess, I looked at you and you took my breath away."

"Why would you have ever thought I was too good for you?" Joey wondered.

"Because you're the most amazing person I've ever met. And I'm... not."

"Well, I obviously loved you," Joey pointed out.

"You saw a better version of me than was actually real," Charlie admitted. "Although, if I'd have had the time, I would have so loved to be the person you thought I was. To be the kind of person who deserved your love."

Joey hesitated, not entirely sure what to say. Charlie was speaking of a life that was a black hole for Joey. She couldn't reassure her because she didn't know the details of what had gone on between them. She didn't know what Charlie was like, other than right now, she felt like her salvation.

"Well, I don't know you the way you know me," she finally ventured. "But from two conversations, you seem like a lovely person to me. Not _that_ many people would have this amount of patience with someone who doesn't even remember them."

"It's not your fault that you don't remember me," Charlie pointed out. "Why would I be impatient about that?"

"It's not the easiest situation, Charlie."

"I know," Charlie replied simply. "And I feel so sad when I think of everything you must have been through. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"How could you be?" Joey asked. "I had no memory of anyone I needed to tell about the accident."

At her computer, Charlie sighed heavily. Her heart broke at the thought of the way Joey had suffered. And all that time, Charlie had just thought that Joey had lost interest and had no inclination to forgive her or give things another try.

"Anyway," Joey said brightly, offering a smiley face. "Let's talk about happier things. I believe we were on a boat? And I believe we were getting our groove on to that song you sent me..."

Charlie grinned.

"We were," she said.

"And then what happened?"

Charlie closed her eyes, remembering how the track had changed to a slow number. She recalled getting caught up in Joey's eyes and feeling a surge of love fill her. Joey had very shyly read her expression and rather nervously dared to take her hand. Typing quickly but thoughtfully, Charlie laid out the scene.

"I took your other hand and got lost in your eyes," she said. "My heart was racing so hard. I didn't know what to do with myself. It had never occurred to me before that I could be attracted to another woman but there I was, falling in love with you."

Joey smiled. Although she had no recollection, she liked that she had been in love with someone. Sometimes she felt like she wasn't capable of such an emotion anymore. The last two years had been spent very cut off from the world. She neither knew nor trusted herself or anybody else. It was hard to let people get close. But it was reassuring to know that she had felt so deeply about someone in the past.

"That's when we fell in love?" she asked.

"Yes. That's when I knew I'd fallen for you. And you told me later that you knew it too right then."

"Then what happened?"

"We just stood there for a few powerful moments, playing with each other's fingers and gazing at each other. We were so close to kissing. I so wanted to. We were close enough to do it... Our chests were almost pressed together and it would have been a perfect moment."

"But...?"

"But I panicked and I ran away," Charlie admitted.

"Oh dear!"

Joey added a laughing emoticon. Charlie grinned, feeling reassured. Even without a memory, Joey seemed to want to see the best in her. _Well, she won't when you tell her the whole truth_, she thought to herself sadly. She still hadn't quite figured out what to say about that.

"But we got together eventually, right?" Joey asked.

"Eventually," Charlie said.

"Can you tell me about it? I mean, do you mind? It's probably weird for you."

"It's fine," Charlie said. "It was the happiest, if the most confusing time of my life. I'm happy to share it with you, Joey. You have the right to know everything you can about your past."

"Thanks," Joey said.

"Do you mind if I grab a quick coffee from the kitchen?" Charlie asked. "Then I'll come back and we can talk for as long as you want to."

"I've got all the time in the world," Joey said. "Go and make your coffee. And then I look forward to lots of stories."

"Do you want to hear the song we got so close to?" Charlie asked, the idea popping into her head before she put the laptop down in order to stand up.

"Oh, yes please!"

Charlie attached the MP3 of Blanche Dubois singing _Love Only Hurts_. Leaving Joey to it, she hurried to the kitchen, eager to get back as quickly as she could.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Ruby and Leah discover that Charlie is talking to a woman online and Charlie ends things with Brax...<em>


	7. Chapter 7

_I'm back! But only for a couple of days. August is proving to be pretty busy, I'm afraid. I hope you enjoy the chapter and that you all had fun weekends. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Seven**

"When are you going to meet him?" Ruby asked over breakfast.

Charlie stared at her daughter in confusion.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, bringing her food and coffee over to the table.

She sat down between Ruby and Leah.

"The guy you've been chatting to so incessantly on the computer," Ruby said. "You know, when I came up with this idea, it was to get you lai... I mean, to encourage you to go out and have fun, not to stay in your room typing every second you can."

"I'm fine the way I am, thank you," Charlie said curtly.

She hadn't told anyone that it was Joey she was talking to. And she had spent a week avoiding Brax. He wasn't very happy about it and kept trying to get her alone. She'd slipped up a few times and kissed him but nothing more had happened. Although she was still attracted to him, nobody had or would ever compare to Joey. And now that she felt like she was getting some kind of second chance with her, she had no intention of messing things up again. She hadn't yet told her the truth about their breakup but she had been trying to help her by filling in various blanks about her family and life. They'd talked through the higher points of their relationship and Charlie was doing her best to make her happy. She still felt so sad over everything her ex-girlfriend had been through and her desire to protect her was strong.

"But if you're talking to him that much, that must mean you like him, right?"

Charlie looked awkward. Ruby's eyes widened.

"Or is it a her?" she asked curiously.

Charlie's blush was all her daughter needed to know.

"You're hooking up with a girl again!" she squeaked.

"What's hooking up?" VJ asked.

"Nothing," Leah and Charlie said in unison.

Ruby quickly apologised.

"But you are, aren't you?" she asked more quietly.

"I am having a nice conversation with a woman on the Internet," was all the police officer was willing to admit.

"And are you going to meet her?" Leah asked enthusiastically.

"I don't know," Charlie said. "Maybe. I mean... well, we're having a really nice time talking at the moment."

"Tell us about her then," Ruby encouraged.

"She's really nice," Charlie said. "She lives about an hour away from here. She's not working at the moment due to a medical condition but she volunteers."

"Uh oh," Ruby said. "Do you want to be with someone with those kinds of problems?"

"Ruby!" Charlie snapped. "Don't be so judgemental. She can't help that she was in an accident."

"Sorry," Ruby mumbled. "But I thought the idea was that you'd go out and have fun, not get caught up in someone else's stress. You have enough of your own!"

"It's not stressful," Charlie insisted. "In fact, I like to think I'm helping her through some stuff."

"That's nice," Leah enthused.

"I like talking to her," Charlie said. "It's fun. She's amazing."

She grinned, although she felt rather foolish about it.

"So, are you having polite conversation or a bit of...?" Ruby asked, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"Ruby!" Charlie squeaked. "It's not like that, okay?"

"So you don't want to... you know?"

"I didn't say that," Charlie said, feeling embarrassed. "She's lovely. To be honest, I think she's perfect for me. I have strong feelings for her already. But I'm not exactly good at the whole relationship thing, am I? So I'm concentrating on not mucking this up."

* * *

><p>That evening, Joey eagerly signed into the messenger service to talk to Charlie. She was disappointed to find that she wasn't there yet. Her heart raced a little at what she was hoping to say her when she did arrive. They'd been talking rather intensely for a week now and Joey was desperate for it to be more. She wanted to meet her. She wanted a more tangible connection to her past. She wanted all of this to be real.<p>

* * *

><p>"Charlie!"<p>

The police officer turned to see Brax jogging up to her.

"Are you avoiding me or something?" he asked.

Charlie looked and felt awkward. The truth was that she was doing exactly that. She just couldn't bear to have temptation in her way. And whether it was purely physical or not, Brax was tempted. A big part of her still longed to lose herself in a superficial, uncomplicated fling. But she couldn't do that now. She had one shot at being with Joey again and she had to take it.

"It's just that Casey and Ruby were telling me all about this hot guy you've been talking to on the Internet," Brax said. "Apparently you're spending all your time messaging him."

"There's no Internet guy," Charlie said.

It was true, even if only technically.

"Then what is occupying your time? Because it used to be me. And I've hardly seen you in a week."

"Sorry," Charlie said. "I just don't think you and I are going to work out."

"It would if you gave it a chance," Brax said sourly.

Charlie shook her head and apologised again.

"So, you're breaking up with me then?" he asked.

"Well, we weren't really together..."

"Obviously not," Brax snapped. "Obviously you were just using me."

"Brax, it wasn't like that..."

"Well, why don't you tell me what it was like? Because I don't feel like I understand you any more than I did at the start, Charlie," he said, sounding hurt. "I mean, why did you jump into bed with me if you didn't even like me?"

"I do like you," Charlie said.

"Really?" he said in disbelief. "Well, I'd hate to be someone you didn't like. You're a head fuck, Charlie. I don't know why I've been bothering!"

"I just don't think a relationship is a good idea," Charlie said.

"Well, I kind of gathered that by the way you've been treating me like a dirty little secret all this time."

Charlie swallowed, her mind flitting to Joey. She'd done exactly the same thing with her and then with Angelo.

"You know what?" Brax said when she struggled to reply. "I'm not going to be that anymore."

"You agree that it's over?" she asked hopefully.

He shook his head, leaning in close.

"No," he said. "I'm about to blow your big secret wide open."

With that, he stalked away. Charlie cringed. Sighing heavily, she glanced at her watch, wondering if Ruby would be home in time enough to hear the truth from her instead of her boyfriend's brother. Her eyes widened when she realised that she was late for her online meeting with Joey. Forgetting everything else, Charlie hurried to her car, not wanting to keep Joey waiting.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie and Joey arrange a meeting and Ruby discovers exactly what Charlie has been getting up to over the last few months...<em>


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

"Sorry I'm late," Charlie immediately typed. "I got caught up and didn't realise the time."

"Anything exciting?" Joey replied.

Charlie settled more comfortably on her bed and sighed, thinking of Brax. She was panicking to say to least. She'd known at the start that she was risking a lot by sleeping with him but at the time, she hadn't cared. And really, she had expected it to be a one time thing. Half the reason she'd slept with him in the first place was because she was trying to get him out of her system. Her attraction to him was irritating and she had been hoping that doing it once would help her get over it. But when he'd been so nice to that homeless woman, she'd seen a different side to him. And since then, she hadn't quite been able to help herself. But now Joey was back and once again, she had turned Charlie's world upside down. The only difference was that this time, Charlie knew she'd do whatever it took to be with her and to make their relationship last. But unfortunately, Brax was definitely a complication.

"Not really," she said. "How was your day?"

"It was pretty great actually," Joey enthused.

Charlie could almost see her smiling.

"I had a really positive doctor's appointment," the former deckhand explained. "He's so thrilled that I finally have a memory to work with, even if it was just a few seconds worth."

"That's really great," Charlie encouraged.

"Well, I only have you to thank for it really," Joey said. "I'd still be at square one if we hadn't got talking."

"I guess," Charlie said, not really wanting to take credit for Joey's progress. "I'm just glad I've been of some help to you."

"You definitely have," Joey said. "And I kind of wanted to talk about that, actually. If it's okay?"

"We can talk about anything you like, Joey."

"It's just... well, what do you think about meeting up?"

"I'd love to," Charlie replied immediately.

"You don't have to," Joey continued, not noticing her friend's response. "I mean, it was just an idea. My doctor thought it would help to meet you and... and you already said yes."

She offered a blushing emoticon and apologised.

"You don't need to apologise," Charlie assured her. "I mean, it must be pretty scary for you to consider meeting me. I know what I'm getting but essentially, I'm a stranger to you."

"You are," Joey agreed. "But even without remembering you properly, you're still kind of familiar. Is that weird?"

"We've been apart for two years," Charlie said. "And yet, every time I talk to you, I feel like no time has passed. So, no, it's not weird."

At the computer, Joey sank back and smiled in relief.

"How are you fixed for Saturday?" she asked.

"I'm free as a bird," Charlie replied. "Just let me know a time."

"Well, how about twelve o'clock? We could have lunch or something. Would you like to come here or should I try and meet you somewhere?"

"I can come to you," Charlie offered. "It's easy for me because I drive. Just let me know where you're living."

Joey typed her address and both women looked forward to seeing each other face to face.

* * *

><p>That evening, knowing that there were only two more sleeps until she would be granted the opportunity to see the lost love of her life again, Charlie got ready for bed with a permanent smile on her face. She'd just changed into her pyjamas when there was a furious knock on her door. Opening up, she came face to face with Ruby.<p>

"Is there something you forgot to tell me?" the teenager demanded angrily.

Charlie looked confused. All she could think about was Joey. Their chats were becoming longer and longer and it was an increasing wrench to have to say goodbye each night.

"I don't think so," she said, wondering how her daughter might have found out about Joey.

"You and Brax, Charlie!" Ruby squeaked. "You and Brax!"

Charlie blanched. In her excitement over meeting up with Joey again, she'd completely forgotten about her misguided fling.

"Uh..."

"You've been hassling me for weeks because you don't think Casey – the _good _Braxton – is good enough and all this time, you've been fucking his brother!"

"Ruby!" Charlie scolded. "Do not use that kind of language with me! Or with anyone for that matter!"

"What, you're going to tell me you've been _making love_ or something?" Ruby demanded.

"No," Charlie said awkwardly. "It was just a fling and yes, it was probably a bad idea..."

"And hypocritical," Ruby interjected.

"And hypocritical," Charlie agreed. "But it just happened."

"Several times from what I've heard," Ruby said. "He's been telling everyone at the restaurant. Poor Angelo's distraught."

"What's Angelo got to do with anything?" Charlie asked defensively, not really needing to be reminded of all the mistakes she'd made over the last couple of years.

"You only dated him for a year and a half, Charlie," Ruby exclaimed. "And you only broke up in..."

"December!" Charlie said. "That was five months ago. And _he_ dumped _me_."

"And why did he do that?" Ruby asked, having never quite got to the bottom of the break up.

Charlie sighed heavily and sat down on the edge of her bed. Ruby sat beside her.

"Because he knew that I didn't really want to live with him," Charlie admitted. "I rushed into moving in with him when I knew I wasn't ready because I was in a panic over him liking that Shandi/Daria girl. It was a snap decision that I regretted the moment it tumbled out of my mouth. And I tried to make it work, Ruby. I really did. But I was so unhappy. I was so on edge about sharing with him. I thought it'd settle down and when it didn't, he got pissed off. To be honest, I don't think he actually meant to break up with me..."

"What do you mean?"

"He issued me with an ultimatum," Charlie explained. "It was either get happy or get out. I think he was expecting me to snap into obedience and put a smile on my face. But I knew I was never going to be happy with him so..."

She shrugged.

"Anyway, the point is that that was months ago now," she said. "We ran out of steam. And we're both over it. He's really happy at the moment, living with Roo and Liam and everything. I heard that he even made a pass at Roo but she turned him down. And I've seen the amount of time he's been spending with Nicole lately so it wouldn't surprise me if they ended up together somewhere down the track."

"And how does that make you feel?" Ruby asked, pleased with her mother's honesty.

"Fine," Charlie replied. "I'd like to see him happy. I'd like to see him moving on with someone new. I mean, I can't say I ever pictured him and Nicole as an item and she's probably a bit too young for him. He's a year younger than me and I dated Nicole's father, for goodness sake. But if they're happy then I am too."

"Because you want to be with Brax?" Ruby wanted to know.

Charlie shook her head and reiterated that that was only a fling, not the real thing.

"I like him," she said. "Underneath all the attitude and everything, he's a good guy. And he's gorgeous and charming and..."

"Why is it just a fling then?"

"Because it's only physical," Charlie said. "I don't see any deep future with him. I didn't with Angelo either and look where that ended up."

"Charlie, when are you going to find the real thing?" Ruby asked seriously.

Charlie looked into her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I already have," she said.

"But you said you don't feel like that about Brax or Angelo..."

"I don't."

Ruby looked puzzled for a moment.

"You're still hung up on Joey," she realised, remembering the conversation they'd had when Ruby had been signing her mother up for online dating.

"I am," Charlie admitted.

"Charlie, I know you loved her but she's gone. You can't keep..."

"She's back," Charlie revealed.

Ruby looked immediately startled.

"She's back?" she asked

Charlie nodded.

"She's living about an hour away from here and we're meeting up on Saturday. Ruby, I'm so excited..."

"Did you meet her online?"

"Yeah, on that website you made me sign up for," Charlie told her.

"So, has she forgiven you for... well, you know?"

Charlie sighed and then began to explain the situation.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Ruby urges Charlie to tell Joey the whole truth and Charlie and Joey meet up for the first time in two years...<em>


	9. Chapter 9

_Thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing this story. I'm about fifteen chapters ahead so I hope you continue to enjoy it. I really appreciate all the feedback. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Nine**

Saturday arrived quickly and Charlie and Joey had spoken every day for that time. If she was being honest, Joey was fast turning into the only good point of Charlie's day. With the news out about her affair with Brax, Charlie had been hauled in front of her bosses who had quickly called her integrity into account. Apparently it didn't matter that he had never been charged with any illegal activities, he was always a suspect and always lived on the edge between right and wrong. Therefore, it was completely inappropriate that she had been sleeping with him and she had brought 'shame' on the police force. Fortunately, she had received nothing more than a slap on the wrist and a severe warning never to go near Brax again.

On top of that, life in the Bay was somewhat difficult. People were talking about her even more than they had when she'd started dating Angelo, the former town pariah and before that, her beloved Joey whose only crime was being a woman. Some people had been kind at least. Irene had said that while she wasn't a fan of the River Boys in general, she did think that Brax and Casey were nice and that it was a shame things hadn't worked out. Colleen hadn't been quite able to decide how she felt about the news, which was surprising considering she had an opinion on everything that happened in Summer Bay. Leah and Miles had been enthusiastic until they'd realised it was all over anyway. Angelo had been ignoring her, having taken half an uninterrupted hour to tell her exactly what he thought of her. And Brax had been avoiding her like the plague.

Ruby's issue had been somewhat different. She was hurt that Charlie had criticised her so much for being with Casey when she'd been attracted to Brax from the start. But all her comments had faded in light of Charlie's revelation that she was talking to Joey again, and that she hadn't seen fit to tell the poor amnesiac the truth about their former relationship.

"Charlie, you _are _going to tell her today, aren't you?" the teenager asked as her mother got ready for her date with Joey.

"If it comes up," Charlie said vaguely, concentrating on her make up.

It irritated her that she knew Ruby was right. It was completely out of order to hold back the real reason Joey left her in the first place.

"Charlie! You lost her the first time because you lied to her. You can't..."

Charlie turned around on her stool, looking stern.

"Look, I'm not dating her. I wouldn't do anything like that without being honest. But right now, I don't think it'll be helpful. She's just gathering together the pieces of her life. I don't want to make that harder."

"But won't she be hurt that you've lied to her?" Ruby asked.

Charlie faltered. Ruby leant forward and held her hands.

"Charlie, I'm not being difficult," she said. "I genuinely want this to work out. I know I wanted you and Angelo to be together and I know I was pretty mean to you when you split that final time. I wanted him to be my step-dad and I wanted us to be a family. But honestly, if I had to say who was the person who made you the happiest, I know it was Joey. I don't want you to lose her a second time around."

"But if I tell her that I cheated on her, won't I lose her anyway?" Charlie wondered. "She's so lost right now and she's relying so heavily on me. I can't let her down when she's so vulnerable..."

"She's not that much more vulnerable than she was the first time you..."

"Let her down?" Charlie asked unhappily.

"Well... yeah," Ruby replied.

Charlie looked down, her heart suddenly very heavy.

"I just want some time with her before I lose her, Rubes," she sighed.

"But maybe if you're honest right from the start, you won't lose her," Ruby suggested. "She'll be able to see how much you've changed. She'll be willing to fight for you."

"But what if she isn't?" Charlie said. "What if she decides that her old life, the one with me in it, isn't something she wants to remember after all?"

"It's a risk," Ruby admitted. "But it's better that you tell her the truth than she suddenly remembers it later. Or that someone else tells her. I mean, don't you think she's going to want to come back here eventually, now that she knows where she's from? She's desperate to remember herself from what you've told me. I think it's only a matter of time before she finds out. I mean, she'll only have to meet Colleen for that to be a risk!"

Charlie sighed and nodded.

"When did you get so smart?" she asked.

Ruby grinned and squeezed her hands before standing and rummaging through the wardrobe, declaring that Charlie had to look absolutely delicious for her date.

"It's not a date!" Charlie reminded her.

"Yeah, we'll see if you're saying that when you get home!"

* * *

><p>Joey was nervous as she waited in the reception area of the clinic for Charlie. She had studied her photo so she knew what she looked like but it felt like a very strange situation. Charlie was meeting an old girlfriend but Joey was meeting a stranger. The whole thing was hard to get her head around but she was hoping that everything would go well.<p>

Smiling, Joey stood when she saw the beautiful brunette push open the door to the building. Joey approached, wondering how on earth she had ever managed to spark interest from someone so beautiful. _That picture does not do her justice_, she thought.

"Charlie?" she asked nervously.

The police officer beamed at her.

"Hi, Joey," she almost whispered. "It's wonderful to see you."

Standing awkwardly for a moment, they hugged tightly but quickly.

"Do you um... want a tour of the mansion?"

Charlie giggled at her humour. She could tell that Joey was embarrassed about calling a hospital home and she was determined to be as supportive and encouraging as she could.

"Lead the way," she said.

Nodding and taking a deep breath, Joey led her over to the reception desk in order to sign her guest in. Then she led her way upstairs.

* * *

><p>Having been shown the computer room, the TV room and the library, Charlie followed Joey to her humble bedroom. It was immediately noticeable that she had no photos or pictures. There were a couple of artistic prints blu-tacked to the walls but it definitely didn't look like a comfy home. Nervous, Joey flushed and gestured for Charlie to sit in the one chair the room came with. She took a seat on the bed.<p>

"It's pretty pathetic, hey?" she managed.

"It's not pathetic," Charlie said. "It's sad that you don't have any creature comforts and things like that but you've made the best of what you've got and I think that's pretty admirable."

Joey smiled genuinely and thanked her.

"Um... I don't know what you want to do for lunch but... well, there's a canteen downstairs and I... I got you a day pass. It's not great but..."

Tension coursed through her veins. She was desperately afraid of getting things wrong and looking like a fool.

"That sounds perfect," Charlie said.

They smiled at each other. It felt suddenly weird to be face to face after chatting on-line. Awkward silence descended on them.

"Oh, I um... I brought you some stuff," Charlie said, digging around in her bag.

Joey watched with some confusion as she presented her with a book, a CD and a t-shirt.

"What are these?" Joey asked, accepting them cautiously.

"They're yours," Charlie explained. "When you moved out you... you left them."

"We lived together?" Joey wondered.

Charlie nodded. Joey struggled, feeling suddenly overwhelmed that she had a whole, tangible life that she couldn't quite connect with. She studied the items.

"What did I think of the book?" she asked, waving _Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit_ at her new friend.

"It's your favourite," Charlie explained. "You've read it about a hundred times and it helped you start to accept that you were gay."

Joey studied the front cover and nodded.

"I look forward to reading it again then," she said. "Maybe it'll help me twice."

"Are you struggling?" Charlie asked. "With your sexuality?"

"Sort of," Joey admitted. "I mean, I've known I was attracted to women for as far back as I can remember – a whole two years – but knowing that I was out and proud and had relationships with women is a bit of a head spinner. But I guess I'd feel the same way if you were a guy. I feel weird about _everything_!"

She grinned. Charlie smiled back.

"Can you tell me more stuff?" she asked. "Like... what did we like to do together? Were there any memorable conversations I should know about? How did we feel about each other?"

Charlie swallowed and took a breath. Ruby's words echoed in her mind.

"Okay," she said. "I guess I should start at the beginning..."

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie tells Joey some of their story...<em>


	10. Chapter 10

_That was possibly one of the craziest weekends of my life! So it is will some restful relief that I update for you all and then get on with that I hope will be a very gentle day! I really hope you enjoy the chapter. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Ten**

"You were working on a fishing trawler in Summer Bay but you were being bullied at work," Charlie explained.

She and Joey were sitting close together on the bed, not quite comfortable.

"You were working with a lovely guy called Aden and he was really worried about you when you quit your job because of how you were being treated," the cop continued. "So he asked me to help you, which I hope I did. We helped you sort the situation out as best we could and then you very bravely came out to your brother."

She hesitated a little as Joey hung onto her every word. How could she even begin to explain the depth of what her ex-girlfriend had been through? Would Joey really want to know how she had suffered or would she prefer to never find out? Deciding that she couldn't blurt it out, at least not yet, Charlie continued with the story.

"I took you in," she said. "You were homeless and struggling and I already cared for you so much that I let you stay at the house I shared with my daughter, friend and her son."

Joey nodded, offering her rapt attention and privately thinking about how kind Charlie must be.

"Things were going pretty well and you were getting back on your feet. I started to become aware of my attraction to you, although it freaked me out a bit. I tried to ignore it but when Ruby – my daughter – remarked that you had a crush on me, I panicked."

She looked down, a little ashamed.

"Don't worry," Joey said. "It's scary to realise you might not be 'normal' for want of a better word. You already know I'm still getting my head around it."

She grinned a little self consciously. Settling a little more comfortably on the bed, with her back against the wall, Charlie gazed into Joey's eyes and smiled.

"You um... you took me out on a boat trip for the day, to thank me for everything I'd done to help you," Charlie told her.

"Well, at least I was polite and grateful!" Joey remarked.

"You were more than that," Charlie assured her. "You were the most amazing person I've ever met."

Joey blushed and said she hoped she was still the same person if she was that nice.

"I'm sure you are," Charlie said. "Anyway, we had a great day but at the end, we had a... a moment."

"Is that the one I remember?" Joey asked hopefully.

Images of dancing with Charlie on a boat and being so close to kissing her, floated around in her mind. Charlie nodded.

"I freaked out and ran away though," she admitted. "And then I went on a date with a guy in a bid to forget you. You decided to move out but you ended up..."

She struggled to find the right words. If she hadn't explained the rape then how could she explain the attempted murder?

"You had an accident," she managed. "And when I realised how close I'd been to losing you forever, I confronted my feelings and kissed you."

Joey couldn't help but grin. Her current attraction to Charlie was unmistakable, if a little confusing and it made her strangely content to think that there had previously been something between them.

"But then I ran away again," Charlie revealed.

"Was it that bad?" Joey asked in a teasing tone, although her grin had faded.

"It was that good," Charlie corrected.

"Okay, I'm confused again," Joey said. "Not that it takes much!"

Her grin reappeared, making Charlie chuckle.

"It was the best kiss of my life up to that point," she said. "But I was so afraid of what that meant that I panicked and I couldn't face my feelings."

She sighed heavily, deeply regretting that time of her life.

"I disappeared on you in a bid to clear my head and I went to stay with my Dad for a few days. I admitted my feelings for you but by the time I came home, I'd decided that I wasn't going to act on them."

Joey nodded sadly.

"You were so upset," Charlie said. "You moved out and we didn't talk for a while. You decided to take a job on a long haul but the day before you were due to leave, we finally talked. I knew it was now or never so I went for it. You'd always been so lovely and so honest about your feelings. It was a wonderful moment when I finally faced my fears and told you that I was in love with you."

Joey smiled gently. It was still a mind blowing concept that someone as enchanting as Charlie could have even looked twice at her. Without thinking about it, Charlie reached out and held Joey's hand.

"We spent the night together," she told her. "And we had an amazing time. But the shit hit the fan the next day. Everyone found out about us, including Ruby and then your brother. He spray painted my car and everyone was talking and gossiping and..."

She shook her head, wondering how she could ever tell the truth about what she'd done.

"And I let you down," she said. "I gave into the pressure and I couldn't cope with being seen as your girlfriend. I messed up and... and you took another job on a long haul. You said you'd be back in three months but I thought you'd forgotten about me."

She blanched when she realised what she'd said and then apologised. Joey just smiled softly.

"Well, technically you were right," she said with a hint of humour.

"Sorry," Charlie said again. "What I meant was that I thought you'd decided you didn't want to give us another chance."

"Well, I can't say either way what I'd decided to do," Joey admitted. "I mean, what I know of my story starts and finishes with what you've told me. But I hope I wasn't that much of a bitch as to just leave you hanging. I mean, I don't know why you're even talking to me if I did that to you."

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked, bewildered.

"It sounds like I walked out on you when you needed me most," Joey said. "Was I really that impatient that I wouldn't have tried to be understanding?"

"You tried," Charlie assured her. "Honestly, you don't need to be self-critical. You did nothing but act honourably, Joey. You were so perfect. It was me who messed everything up."

"It doesn't sound like it," Joey admitted. "I don't understand why I'd just walk out on you like that."

Ruby's words thundered in Charlie's ears. Joey was practically begging her to tell the truth. But the words just wouldn't form on her lips. She couldn't say them. She couldn't lose the love of her life all over again. Instead, Charlie gently squeezed Joey's hand.

"You did your best for me and for yourself," she said. "I don't blame you for leaving me. I deserved it. I treated you badly and I hurt you."

"Because you struggled with having abuse hurled at you?"

"I shut you out and I let you down," Charlie said. "I didn't behave well. I pushed you away. You did the right thing by leaving me."

Joey nodded, although she remained unconvinced. Her tummy gurgling interrupted the silence and made them both laugh.

"I think it might be time for lunch," she said. "Are you sure you're cool with the canteen?"

"Absolutely," Charlie said.

Still hold hands, they stood up and headed out of Joey's modest bedroom.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie and Joey arrange to see each other again but Ruby isn't impressed with Charlie...<em>


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

It had been a wonderful day and Charlie was sad to know that it was coming to an end. She and Joey had talked from the moment she'd arrived and it seemed that they were unlikely to run out of things to say any time soon. They'd enjoyed a nice lunch at the canteen and although Charlie felt desperately sorry for Joey's situation, she was relieved to know that she was being looked after.

"So, um... would you like to do something again sometime?" Joey asked nervously as she walked Charlie through the lobby of the building and towards her car.

Charlie smiled.

"I'd love to," she said honestly. "When?"

"Well, I'm free all the time so whenever," Joey said a little shyly.

"How about next weekend?" Charlie suggested.

Joey nodded eagerly.

"Would you like to come here or...?"

"That's fine with me," Charlie said. "I'm guessing you don't have transport."

Standing by the car, Joey shook her head and shoved her hands in her pockets.

"Did I have transport before?" she asked. "Like, could I drive or anything?"

"No," Charlie said. "Although you were amazing behind the wheel of a boat!"

She grinned. Joey smiled back at her.

"Maybe I should try and learn that again," she mused.

"I think you should," Charlie said. "Although, maybe wait until you're definitely ready. You don't want another... accident."

Joey chuckled and nodded.

"Well, um... I guess this is goodbye," Charlie said awkwardly.

Joey pulled her hands out of her pockets and offered an equally awkward hug. They held onto each other tightly before Charlie forced herself to get into the car. Joey stood waving until the vehicle was long out of sight.

* * *

><p>"How did it go?" Ruby asked eagerly as soon as Charlie walked through the door.<p>

Charlie merely hugged her, unable to stop smiling. It had been an amazing day and she was now desperately looking forward to the weekend.

"That good?" Ruby remarked as Charlie moved into the lounge and flopped on the sofa. "Did she forgive you for... you know... everything?"

Charlie frowned. Disheartened, Ruby sat down beside her mother.

"You didn't tell her the truth, did you?"

Charlie sighed and shook her head.

"Charlie!" Ruby squealed. "Have you learned nothing from losing her the first time? I can't believe..."

"I know!" Charlie interrupted. "I know I've done the wrong thing but... Ruby, how do you tell someone all the bad things that have happened to them when they don't remember? How could I sit there and tell her that she was raped? And then, knowing that, I went and broke her heart? I can't do that..."

"Charlie, do you see a future here this time?" Ruby asked seriously.

"I hope so," Charlie replied with a quiet nod. "I mean, I love her just as much as I always did. If not more so. I want to be with her..."

"Then presumably, she'll come to Summer Bay at some point," Ruby said.

Charlie nodded again.

"All it's going to take is a remark from Colleen or running into Brett for the whole story to come tumbling out," the teenager pointed out. "She's not going to want to hear it. Of course she isn't. But if she's got to know, then she should hear it from you. You're the person she trusts most in the world. You're the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. You have to do this right, Charlie. You can't let her down."

"I'm just so afraid of losing her again," Charlie replied glumly. "She thinks I'm this wonderful person all set to rescue her from everything she's been through. And I want to be that person. I want to help her. I don't want to be the same person she walked away from the first time."

"Then don't be," Ruby said gently, holding her mother's hand. "Admit to your past mistakes and make it clear that you're different now and you're never going to let her down again."

* * *

><p>Joey lay back on her bed feeling content. She'd had a lovely day with Charlie and she was already counting the days until she could see her again. Sighing happily, she caught sight of the book Charlie had brought with her. Picking it up, she began to read. Fiction hadn't been her thing for quite some time. She found it confusing to differentiate between a story and reality but maybe now everything was coming together. It was possible that she could start reconnecting with her past. If she was lucky, she might even remember something, like she had when she heard the song Charlie had sent online. Everything felt like it was at least starting to work out. And she was thrilled.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie tries to tell the truth...<em>


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

The weekend arrived surprisingly quickly and Charlie was happy to be getting back in the car, ready to go and visit Joey again. It hadn't been the easiest of weeks. Everyone was still talking about her and Brax and she'd got into trouble at work. But with a weekend of Joey in her sights, Charlie wasn't about to let anything else bring her mood down. Ruby had given her a strict warning to be honest and tell the truth and Charlie was going to do her very best to follow through.

* * *

><p>Joey was giddy with excitement as she waited for Charlie to arrive for her visit. She'd been on top of the world all week, looking forward to seeing her again. In group therapy, everyone seemed to have noticed how much she had changed. And her own sessions with her Doctor had been really positive. She was thrilled to have remembered at least one thing about her old life. And her connection to Charlie meant the world to her. A life that she believed had been lost and was now completely inaccessible, suddenly felt like it could really be hers again. As far as Joey was concerned, that sense of hope was the best feeling in the world.<p>

She smiled when she saw Charlie's little, blue car pull into a parking space outside the clinic. Hurrying out to meet her and feeling bold, Joey hugged her new friend.

"It's good to see you again," she said honestly, drawing away.

Charlie was unable to stop smiling.

"You too," she said. "I was wondering if you fancied a day out?"

"A day out?" Joey said.

Typically, she didn't venture all that far from the hospital. She didn't usually have anywhere to go, or anyone to go with, for that matter. Right now, she felt like her life was changing.

"I packed a picnic," Charlie said. "And I drove past a beautiful park on my way here so I was wondering if you wanted to go there?"

Joey smiled and nodded eagerly. Charlie opened the car door for her and they headed off out together.

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later, Charlie and Joey were sat happily on a blanket in the middle of the park.<p>

"This is lovely," Joey enthused as Charlie took out various items from a hamper. "And oddly familiar..."

She looked hopefully at Charlie, who smiled.

"We've had a picnic before," the police officer confirmed. "On the boat."

"When we nearly kissed?" Joey asked with the hint of a grin.

Charlie laughed and nodded.

"It was a good day," she replied.

Joey giggled. It was a weird situation to say the least but both women were thoroughly enjoying spending time together.

"Thank you for all of this, Charlie," Joey said sincerely.

Charlie looked bashful.

"It's only a few sandwiches," she said.

"I mean, thank you for spending time with me," Joey said, placing a gentle hand on Charlie's knee. "I can't even begin to explain what a difference you're making to my life."

Charlie blushed and looked down as where Joey's hand was resting. She swallowed.

"It's my pleasure, Joey," she replied.

They smiled at each other, hearts pounding. Taking a deep breath and fearful it would ruin the moment, Charlie decided to tell Joey the whole truth. Ruby's voice rang in her ears.

"Joey, there's some..."

She was interrupted by a sudden kiss. Losing herself for several moment, Charlie melted against Joey's lips. She felt like she might combust as she held her former girlfriend closer, wrapping her arms around her and never wanting to let her go. Eventually, they parted, both blushing and gazing into each other's eyes.

"Sorry," Joey managed. "I just... had the urge."

"You never need to apologise for kissing me," Charlie assured her.

They held hands.

"You were about to say something before I interrupted you," Joey said.

"It doesn't matter," Charlie replied, leaning in for another kiss.

* * *

><p>Half an hour had passed and no food had been consumed. Instead, Charlie and Joey had been happily making out on the blanket, oblivious to the world around them.<p>

"I can't believe this is actually happening," Charlie breathed.

Leaning over Joey, she ran her hand through her hair, smiling lovingly at her.

"_You _can't believe it?" Joey remarked. "Today was essentially my first kiss!"

She giggled. Charlie grinned and kissed her again.

"Then I feel very honoured that I was the person you chose to be your first," she said.

Joey pulled her closer, brushing their lips together again and again.

"I don't suppose anything is coming back to you, is it?" Charlie asked curiously.

"Sort of," Joey admitted. "I mean, nothing concrete. But your lips are very familiar. It's like... well, I feel like you're the person I was always meant to kiss."

Charlie blushed, beaming at her.

"Well, as long as you want to kiss me, I'm yours," she said.

"I'd very much like to be kissing you for a long time," Joey told her. "And um... well, do you think maybe I could visit you where you live sometime?"

"Sure," Charlie said, although Ruby's voice started shouting in her head again.

"My Doctor said that visiting places I used to live, seeing people, doing things... maybe some stuff will come back to me," Joey explained. "Up until now, I've had no place to start but just through seeing you and speaking to you, so much has already happened and I..."

Charlie kissed her.

"Joey, we can do anything you like," she said. "I mean, you could come back with me today if you like. You could come and stay."

Joey looked a little nervous.

"Don't worry," Charlie said quickly. "I wouldn't expect anything. But if you think it would help you..."

Joey smiled and thanked her.

"Maybe next weekend?" she suggested.

"Sure," Charlie said, although she knew now more than ever that she had to tell the truth.

Unfortunately, she couldn't find the words to begin.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey comes to spend the weekend with Charlie...<em>


	13. Chapter 13

_I finished writing this story earlier this week and I hope you'll enjoy it until it concludes. It's thirty two chapters in total so we are almost half way through. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Thirteen**

"Charlie, this is a huge mistake," Ruby said firmly.

Ignoring her, her mother continued to tidy up the house and make it perfect. She was due to be picking Joey up in an hour and, with Leah's approval, bringing her back for the weekend. And although she knew that Ruby was making a lot of sense, she hadn't yet managed to tell Joey the truth. She'd drafted several emails before deciding that she really ought to do it face to face. She just hoped that this time, she would have the courage.

"Charlie!" Ruby said desperately.

"I'm going to tell her tonight," Charlie said, hoping she wouldn't break the promise.

"You should have done it weeks ago," Ruby insisted. "She trusts you, Charlie. She thinks you're the key to her getting her life back."

"Can't I be?" Charlie asked, looking genuinely upset.

"If you tell her the truth and she can get her head around it then yes," Ruby said. "But you can't keep lying to her. It's not fair."

Charlie sighed heavily and sank onto the couch.

"I don't want to lose her," she said.

Ruby moved to put her arms around her.

"Then tell her the truth," she begged.

* * *

><p>Two hours later, Charlie and Joey walked through the door. Although she knew the situation, Ruby couldn't contain herself. The moment she saw her mother's ex-girlfriend, she launched herself at her, hugging her tightly and telling her how much she'd missed her.<p>

"Rubes!" Charlie complained. "Put her down. She's doesn't even know who you are!"

The teenager pulled back, feeling embarrassed. She apologised.

"I'm guessing you're Ruby," Joey said a little shyly.

"Yeah," Ruby squeaked. "Sorry again. I just... missed you."

"If it helps, I was probably missing you too before the accident," Joey said with a self conscious laugh.

Ruby looked a little awkward for a moment before offering to help her with her bags.

"Joey's going to sleep in my room and I'll crash with you, if that's okay?" Charlie said.

"Just like the old days," Ruby remarked, taking Joey's bag into Charlie's bedroom.

Joey glanced shyly at Charlie.

"Thanks again for bringing me here," she said.

"It's my pleasure," Charlie said honestly.

She leant in and stole a gentle kiss before Ruby reappeared, clearing her throat and interrupting them. Charlie glared. Joey looked mortified.

"Like I said," the teenager remarked. "Just like the old days!"

This time, Joey laughed and Charlie looked mortified.

"Don't you have an elsewhere to be?" the police officer asked.

"Yeah, yeah," Ruby said. "I know you've got things you need to talk about."

She looked pointedly at her mother before explaining that she was spending the day with Casey but that she was looking forward to dinner with them tonight. Then she dashed through the door.

"We have things to talk about?" Joey asked, when they were alone.

Knowing she had been given an opening, Charlie hesitated. She gazed into Joey's soulful eyes and remembered the morning after the betrayal. Joey had looked at her in the same way and Charlie hadn't had the guts to tell the truth then either. She distinctly recalled the look of sheer pain on Joey's face when she found out about Hugo the first time. _How can I bear to do that to her again? But how can I lie?_

"Well, we've got lots of memories to share," she said, plastering a smile on her face. "I thought I'd show you around the Bay and then I have a surprise booked for you this afternoon."

"Charlie, _everything _is a surprise for me," Joey remarked.

Charlie snorted with laughter and hugged her, apologising.

"You never have to apologise to me, Charlie," Joey said. "You're my angel."

They kissed tenderly, tumbling onto the couch together. Charlie's heart thudded with a mixture of joy and fear. The longer she avoided telling the truth, the worse it was going to be. But she still couldn't seem to find the words.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie shows Joey around Summer Bay and tells her a little more about the past...<em>


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

"This place is so pretty," Joey mused as she and Charlie took a walk along the beach together.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing and Charlie was overjoyed to be strolling along the sand, hand in hand with the love of her life.

"It's picturesque," Charlie agreed. "I'll take you up to the lighthouse at some point this weekend. The views are amazing."

"The lighthouse?" Joey asked.

Everything still felt so new to her. Charlie turned and pointed far into the distance. Joey grinned.

"I see it now," she said. "We can go up there?"

"Yep," Charlie confirmed.

They continued walking together.

"So, this is where I was born and raised?" Joey asked.

"Yes," Charlie said. "You used to live down near the docks."

"Because I liked boats?"

Charlie nodded, explaining that her father was a fisherman and she had wanted to follow in his footsteps.

"Like you and your Dad?" Joey asked, remembering that Charlie's father was a Detective.

"That's right," Charlie said. "It was actually you who made me realise that that's half the reason I went into the force. I was trying to make him proud of me."

"I'm sure he was proud of you, Charlie," Joey said sincerely. "I mean, how could he not be?"

Charlie smiled, desperately hoping she was right.

"Did I ever meet your Dad?" Joey wondered. "Like, were we involved enough to...?"

"We were planning it," Charlie said. "I was a bit nervous about it but we'd discussed going into the city to see him and Morag, my step-mother."

"But I left you before it happened?" Joey asked unhappily.

She wasn't entirely sure what had happened but she felt strangely guilty for leaving Charlie, and not just because, if she'd stuck around, she wouldn't have been in such a mess for two years.

"Yeah," Charlie said quietly. "I think you and Dad would have liked each other. You both liked fishing."

She squeezed Joey's hand gently, making her smile.

"So, what are all these?" Joey asked, gesturing to the small set of buildings nearby.

"Well, that's the Diner," Charlie said. "It's owned by my housemate, Leah, who you'll meet later. I'm always in there for coffee. And next door is the Surf Club. That's where you and I had our first proper conversation. And upstairs is an Italian restaurant. I was um... I was seeing the guy who owns it until... um... until recently."

Joey raised her eyebrows.

"You were?" she asked.

"Yeah, um... well, uh... after I lost you, I started dating a guy called Angelo," she ventured.

"And he owns the restaurant?"

"He did. But he left town recently with his girlfriend and her son," Charlie said. "And it's owned now by a guy called Brax, who I was seeing... like I said, until recently."

"How recently?" Joey wondered, cursing herself for feeling jealous.

It wasn't fair. She'd abandoned Charlie, after all. Of course she would have dated other people in her absence. But there was something about picturing Charlie with a guy that made her deeply uncomfortable. She just didn't understand why.

"We broke up around the time you and I started talking again," Charlie admitted.

Joey halted, not sure how to react. Had the break up been about her or was that just a coincidence? Reading her confusion, Charlie tugged gently on her hand until they sat down on the sand together.

"I fell in love with you two years ago," she explained. "It was like a lightening strike. I wasn't looking to date _anyone _and the next thing I knew, I'd fallen head over heels for you. It was totally out of my control. I think... just to know you is to love you, Joey. And even without your memories, that's still true. You're a new person and yet you're still the same incredible, beautiful woman that I was lucky enough to call my girlfriend."

Joey blushed and looked down at their joined hands. She smiled happily.

"When I lost you, I thought the world was ending," Charlie continued. "I missed you so much, every day until you walked back into my life. You said you'd be gone for three months but when you didn't get in touch, I figured you'd moved on with your life. I ended up with Angelo because we were both in really bad places. We just kind of took comfort in each other, I guess. We'd dated before I met you but... well, that's a whole other story, really."

Joey nodded, gazing into Charlie's eyes.

"When the time came for you to come home and you didn't show, I lost all my hope. I ended up in a car accident with your brother and he told me that you were never coming home. So I went for it with Angelo, even though I knew you'd always be 'the one'. We got back together and broke up again so many times and to be completely honest, I was miserable for most of it. I missed you so much and I was longing for what could have been. And retrospectively, I don't think he treated me all that well. There were a lot of tantrums and he was very selfish."

She frowned but Joey offered her rapt attention.

"He admitted that he'd very nearly cheated on me," Charlie explained.

"Seriously?" Joey squeaked. "Is he insane? How could anyone do that to someone, but especially someone as incredible as you?"

Charlie felt a little sick. Now definitely wasn't the time to tell the whole truth, she concluded. Ruby was going to kill her.

"I'm not special," she said doubtfully.

"I think you are," Joey told her.

"You've only known me for a few weeks," Charlie pointed out.

"But I feel like I've known you all my life," Joey admitted.

Charlie couldn't help but smile. She leant in for a soft, sweet kiss.

"You were telling me a story," Joey reminded her when they parted.

"Yes," Charlie agreed. "Okay, so Angelo nearly cheated on me and I panicked and suggested we moved in together. We'd broken up earlier in the year because he wanted us to take that step and I didn't think I was ready. I didn't think I'd ever be ready."

"Didn't we live together?" Joey asked. "I thought you said that before..."

"We did," Charlie said. "I was ready with you. Just not with him."

"Have you been ready with anyone else before?" Joey wondered.

Charlie shook her head.

"You're the only one," she revealed. "You're the only person I ever dreamed of a future with. You're the only person who had my whole heart. You're the only person I've ever loved."

Joey smiled softly before coaxing Charlie into continuing telling her what she needed to.

"We moved in together," the police officer said. "Me, Angelo and Ruby, and we lasted a few months before we realised it was never going to work out and we broke up for good. We stayed friends and I've always cared about him but to be honest, I don't think we ever should have got together in the first place. We were a disaster."

"So, you broke up..." Joey said.

"He ended up with a girl called Nicole and they've moved away now," Charlie explained. "I don't know where and it all seemed a bit of a rush really but I hope he's happy. And while all of that was going on, I started dating Brax in secret."

"Why in secret?" Joey asked.

"Because he's the leader of a notorious, criminal gang," Charlie admitted a little awkwardly.

Joey raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Technically, I've never been able to charge Brax with anything and I like to think he's less involved in bad things that the people he associates with," Charlie said. "He's a good brother to his youngest sibling, Casey and he's trying to be a respectable businessman with the restaurant and everything now. But it wasn't really the best idea for a cop and a River Boy to get together."

"Is that the name of the gang?" Joey wondered.

Charlie nodded and then apologised. Sometimes she forgot that even the simple things that anyone from Summer Bay would know about, was alien to Joey now.

"It's fine," Joey said. "I just like to get clarification."

She grinned.

"So, nobody knows about you and Brax?" she asked.

"Everyone knows now," Charlie said unhappily. "I broke it off with him a few weeks ago and he responded by telling the whole world about our fling. He avoided hassle from his gang because he claimed to be using me, and maybe he was. But to be honest, I think I hurt him."

Joey nodded.

"I can only imagine losing you," she admitted. "And I can't imagine it would be easy."

Charlie tried to smile but winced instead. She knew only too well how painful it had been when they'd lost each other two years ago.

"Well, I hope you never have to lose me again," she said brightly.

Joey beamed at her.

"Me too," she said.

"And that's the story of the last two years in a nutshell," Charlie said, painfully aware that she had left some vital details out.

"I'm just glad that you didn't forget about me," Joey said. "No pun intended!"

They laughed, meeting in a kiss.

"Thank you for finding me," Joey said softly.

"I just wish I'd done it sooner," Charlie replied. "I assumed that you didn't love me anymore. I should have stopped being a coward and tried to find you. Then maybe..."

She sighed heavily. Joey touched her hand.

"Everything happens in its own perfect time, Charlie," she said. "Maybe this is the way it was meant to be."

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie tells Joey about Robbo...<em>


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

In the afternoon, having showed Joey the beach, the Surf Club and Angelo's Restaurant, Charlie took her to the Diner to collect a pre-booked hamper from Leah.

"I hope you have a good afternoon, guys," Charlie's housemate said warmly. "And I know you don't remember me, Joey but I'm really pleased to see you again."

Joey smiled shyly and thanked her. They were just about to leave when Colleen barged forward.

"I'm sorry to hear about you losing your memory," she said.

Charlie and Leah exchanged glances as Joey thanked her.

"This is Colleen Smart," Charlie introduced.

"Pleased to meet you," Joey said, shaking her hand.

"Pleased to see you again," Colleen replied. "It's wonderful to see you doing so well after everything you've been through."

"Well, it's only thanks to Charlie that I'm starting to get my life back," Joey said, squeezing her saviour's hand.

"Well, I mean all the stuff you went through before..." Colleen said.

Joey looked confused. Charlie picked up the hamper and put her arm around her, eager to leave. Leah called Colleen to get back to work.

"Charlie," Joey said seriously when they were outside. "Is there something you haven't told me?"

* * *

><p>Fifteen minutes later, Charlie and Joey were on board the Blaxland. As a surprise for Joey, and tapping into the one vague memory she had, Charlie had arranged for Romeo to take them out on the water. With their host safely at the wheel, Charlie and Joey were happily sitting on the deck.<p>

"So..." Joey coaxed, eagerly to finish up their previous conversation. "What did you miss out?"

Charlie sighed and hesitated. It was now or never and she knew she had to be honest.

"I might have been a bit vague about how we met," she admitted.

Joey looked a little fearful.

"I should have told you but... well, I just... I've spent years trying to forget a traumatic event from my past and I guess I hoped you could live without knowing what happened to you."

Joey touched her hand.

"Thank you," she said. "I do appreciate you caring about me but if I'm going to get my life back then I really need to know everything you can tell me."

Charlie nodded, chewing her lip and holding onto the woman she hoped might be her girlfriend again. Taking a deep breath, she tried to figure out how to start.

"You were being bullied by a really nasty colleague of yours," she ventured.

Joey nodded anxiously.

"His name was Robbo and he was friends with your brother," Charlie continued. "He kept hassling you and didn't think a woman belonged on a boat, even though, quite frankly, you were probably the best and most knowledgeable member of the crew."

Joey smiled a little sadly. She'd spent two years trying and failing to find something she was good at. And it was hard to realise that she had forgotten something that had clearly been so important to her.

"What did he do?" she asked fearfully.

"He um... he got you alone one day on the trawler and uh... he..."

Charlie closed her eyes, trying to prevent tears from falling. Joey held her a little closer. Hurriedly wiping her eyes, Charlie apologised.

"The last thing you need me to do is cry all over you," she mumbled.

"It's fine," Joey said. "But please tell me the truth."

"He raped you," Charlie whispered.

Joey swallowed, feeling a little sick. She let go of Charlie and shifted so that her arms were wrapped around her knees.

"I'm sorry, Joey," Charlie said.

"It's not your fault," Joey said weakly. "You didn't do it."

She tried to smile. Charlie's hand hovered, debating over whether she could touch her or not.

"Did I do right to tell you?" she asked.

"Yes," Joey said. "It's just... just going to take a bit of time for me to get my head around it."

Charlie nodded anxiously. She chewed her lip until she could taste blood. This wasn't quite how their afternoon was meant to go.

"How did you get involved?" Joey asked. "Did I press charges?"

"Eventually," Charlie said. "You remember I told you about a guy called Aden?"

Joey nodded.

"Well, he told me what happened and I helped you," Charlie explained. "I encouraged you to press charges and then when your brother threw you out, you moved in with me, Ruby, Leah and VJ."

"Well, thanks for helping me."

"I didn't do that good a job really," Charlie said, remembering all too painfully the day Robbo had nearly killed her.

"What else happened?" Joey asked, as if reading her mind.

"Robbo tried to get revenge on you," Charlie admitted. "He kidnapped you and tried to kill you."

Joey fought a wave of nausea.

"We saved your life," Charlie put in. "And he was jailed for five years a few months later."

"Well at least there's some good news," Joey replied, utterly deflated.

Charlie nodded and dared to reach for Joey's hand again. She was relieved to be accepted.

"Why did he do that to me, Charlie?" Joey wondered. "Did I do something wrong or...?"

"No," Charlie said quickly. "He did it because he's an evil bastard that should be rotting in jail for the rest of his life. You didn't do anything wrong."

Joey nodded and rubbed her eyes quickly. Charlie reached out and pulled her gently into her arms.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

"Thank you for being honest with me," Joey said, resting in Charlie's embrace.

They stayed in each other's arms for a good long while.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Ruby is furious that Charlie STILL hasn't confessed all to Joey...<em>


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

Having agreed to pay Romeo double, the night was drawing in and Charlie and Joey were still curled up on the deck of the boat. There had been a lot of tears while Charlie answered all of Joey's questions about what had happened. She'd described things in as much detail as she could bear and although it was very upsetting, Joey was grateful to know the truth.

"It sounds like you've been my hero more than once, Charlie," Joey mused.

She lay back in Charlie's arms, grateful of being held so gently and so close. Up at the other end of the boat, Romeo read a book, trying not to listen into their conversation. He didn't know Joey and secretly, he was a bit scared of Charlie.

"Hardly," Charlie said with a heavy heart.

She knew that she should get her own secret out of the way sooner rather than later. And she knew it was really the perfect time to tell the truth in the lot of ways. But how could she do that on top of all the heartbreak Joey had already received today?

"I'm sorry this afternoon hasn't been quite as wonderful as I intended," she said.

"There never would have been a good time to tell me about Robbo," Joey pointed out. "Honestly, if the roles were reversed I don't know how I could have told you something like that."

She smiled weakly. Charlie kissed the top of her head.

"Well, thank you for not shooting the messenger," she said. "It was hard to tell you the truth."

Joey smiled. She shifted a little and placed a gentle kiss on Charlie's cheek. Charlie turned and captured Joey's lips with her own.

"We've been on this boat twice, you know," she said. "And neither time has gone that well."

"Minus the revelation, I think it went well today," Joey said. "I mean, all I've wanted for the past two years is some knowledge about who I am and where I'm from. And I have to understand the bad parts, as well as the good. So I'm grateful that you told me, Charlie. Thank you."

They kissed again, letting it linger as the sun began to die on the horizon.

"We should probably put Romeo out of his misery and let him take us back home," Charlie said reluctantly.

Joey nodded and moved so that Charlie could get up and get his attention.

* * *

><p>An hour later, Charlie and Joey walked back through the door. Ruby leapt away from Casey, with whom she had been making out on the sofa.<p>

"I wasn't sure you were coming home!" the teenager remarked, more than a little flushed.

"And it looks like you hoped we weren't," Charlie remarked.

"Are you kidding?" Ruby asked with a cheeky grin. "I've been looking forward to hanging out with Joey."

Charlie poked her tongue out before Ruby allowed Casey to make his exit. Joey perched a little shyly on the sofa. It still felt strange to think that this place had once been home. And she was disappointed not to have had any more flashes of memory.

"Are you okay?" Charlie asked worriedly, sitting beside her.

"Yeah," Joey said, plastering a smile on her face. "I guess I was hoping for some kind of miracle today."

Charlie looked a little confused.

"I think I was hoping that by being in my home town, I might suddenly get bombarded with long lost memories or something."

Charlie reached for her hand.

"Is anything familiar at all?" she asked.

"Only you," Joey said. "But even that, I don't know how much is the relationship we've built up over the last few weeks, rather than our history."

Charlie smiled sadly.

"Your Doctor said that some stuff might still come back," she said hopefully.

"Maybe," Joey said. "Although from what you told me today, maybe it's a good thing that I can't remember anything."

"She told you then?" Ruby asked from behind them.

Joey nodded. Charlie looked panicked.

"Yeah," she said quickly. "I told her about Robbo."

She felt deflated as she saw the disappointment in her daughter's eyes. Sighing, Ruby announced that she was tired and was heading to bed.

"It was really nice to see you again though, Joey," she said. "I hope we can spend some time together while you're here."

Joey smiled and thanked her, returning the sentiment.

* * *

><p>That night, Joey lay in Charlie's bed, struggling to sleep and feeling like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. It was hard to feel anything more than confusion over the rape that she didn't remember. It wasn't even like she had a hint of memory about it. Everything was a blank, and yet it caused her a lot of pain to think of what her body had been through. She wondered what this Robbo character looked like. She wondered so many things about her old life that she felt as if she couldn't breathe. It was all consuming and completely overwhelming. For a moment, she wondered if it would be better for her not to know anything. <em>No<em>, she thought to herself, picturing Charlie's face and unable to stop herself from smiling. _Knowing Charlie, being with her makes everything worth it._

* * *

><p>"I can't believe you haven't told her yet," Ruby said, her voice cutting through the dark.<p>

"How could I, Ruby?" Charlie demanded, even though she knew she was right.

"You open your mouth and say the words!"

"What, after I've just had to break the news that two years ago, she was brutally raped by some monster?"

Ruby sighed and rolled over, searching for Charlie's face in the dark.

"Right now, Joey thinks you're a hero," she said. "You need to give her all the facts and let her make the decision."

"The last time she had all the facts and made a decision about me, she left me," Charlie said.

Tears began to creep down her face. She wiped them away. Noticing, Ruby felt compassion.

"Sorry I'm being hard on you," she said. "I love you. And you know I want you and Joey to be together. But the single worse thing that could happen is for her to find out later. You've got the chance to build up her trust again, to prove that you've changed. If she falls in love with you again and _then _finds out what you did, Charlie, you really will lose her. At least if you're honest from the start the two of you stand a chance. Learn from what happened last time. Please? Give yourselves the best chance for survival."

Charlie nodded and hugged her daughter, just hoping she would be strong enough to face the truth.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie and Joey confess their love and arrange to spend another weekend together...<em>


	17. Chapter 17

_After an amazing time watching the gorgeous Katy Perry in concert and then a nightmare journey home (four hours, two taxis, two trains and nearly £100 later!), I have been spaced out and in agony for most of today. But I thought I would muster the energy to update. I hope you enjoy the chapter. I'm writing another fanfic at the moment where it's actually Joey that makes all the mistakes so I hope, when the time comes to post that, you'll enjoy it. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Seventeen**

The following morning, after a nice breakfast with Ruby, Leah and VJ, Charlie and Joey headed up to the lighthouse together. Joey was eager to see as much of the town as she could in the hope that it would bring back some longed for memories. And if nothing came, then she was pleased to have another happy day with Charlie before she was due to go home again.

"Joey, there's something I need to say," Charlie ventured when they reached their destination.

"Okay," Joey said.

They sat down on the blanket they'd packed, settling in front of the amazing view of the Bay.

"Can I say something first, actually?" Joey asked urgently, touching Charlie's arm.

"Of course," Charlie replied, smiling her encouragement.

"It's just, I'm really grateful to you for everything you've done for me," Joey said. "I don't know where I'd be without you. Well, no, I do know where I'd be and it wouldn't be very nice."

She swallowed nervously.

"You've been so good to me, Charlie," she said. "You've gone out of your way to make my life better and I'm truly touched that you'd be so gentle and so honest with me. I know I'm relying on you a lot at the moment because you're my connection to a past I didn't know I had."

She smiled.

"Thank you for sharing the truth with me," she said. "Even the hard parts. It's good to know that I can trust someone so completely. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you somehow. And I can't believe I was so stupid to leave you in the first place. But I hope... I hope you can forgive that and that maybe we can carry on spending time together."

Charlie felt a lump ache in her throat as Joey continued to speak.

"You've come to mean so much to me already and I'm so happy to have you in my life," she said. "Even if my old life remains something I can't connect with, I'm happy to know that I have a real chance of making new memories. With you."

She offered a sweet smile. Charlie leant in and brushed her lips gently against Joey's.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," Joey admitted. "Which is weird, isn't it? I mean, I gather you're meant to know someone a bit longer than I've known you before..."

She shrugged, feeling a little awkward. Charlie brushed her hair out of her eyes, losing herself in Joey's soul for a moment.

"I guess none of this is really by the book," she said. "It's a pretty random situation."

Joey nodded, stealing another kiss.

"What did you want to say before I rudely interrupted you?" she wondered.

Charlie hesitated. Ruby's voice thundered in her mind but lying there, with the love of her life in her arms, once again, she couldn't go through with telling her the truth. She'd been to hell and back already and trusted her completely. Charlie couldn't bear to shatter the relationship they had already developed. She was too scared of her walking away all over again.

* * *

><p>It had been a perfect weekend, even though Ruby had berated Charlie for what felt like the millionth time. She had even gone as far as threatening to tell the truth herself, just to get it all out in the open.<p>

"Will I get to see you again soon?" Joey wondered as Charlie drove her back home.

"You'll get to see me whenever you like," Charlie told her, casting her a quick, sidelong glance.

She smiled as she returned to focussing on the road. Joey reached carefully across her seat and held her hand.

"Next weekend?" she asked.

"Absolutely," Charlie said. "I have a day off on Friday so I could come up in the morning if you like. I could bring you back to the Bay again?"

Joey smiled and squeezed Charlie's hand.

"That sounds great," Joey said. "I'll be packed and ready to go."

Charlie beamed back at her.

"I'm so happy that you're back in my life, Joey," she said honestly. "I don't think I've actually stopped smiling since we started talking!"

Joey chuckled.

"I've been the same," she said. "I've been so depressed since I woke up from my coma. I didn't know who or where I was or how I got there. I've been so aimless and lost. I've had no direction. And now, finally, I have hope for the future. Even if I never remember my past, I at least have some kind of connection to it. Meeting you has been a real blessing. And your family are so amazing. And the Bay is just beautiful. I can honestly say that this is the happiest I ever remember being in my whole life!"

Charlie felt a stab of conscience. She knew that this could all go terribly wrong if Joey suddenly remembered the truth and Charlie hadn't been the one to be honest and tell her. But how could she even broach the subject? Wasn't it already too late? Was she taking advantage by being with a vulnerable woman who might well abandon her if she knew what had really happened between them?

"What's wrong?" Joey wondered, when she saw the seriousness on Charlie's face. "Did I say something wrong?"

Charlie glanced at her and squeezed her hand gently.

"You haven't done anything wrong," she assured her. "I think you're perfect."

Joey blushed, giggling shyly.

"You're officially the best thing that's ever happened to me," she said.

"And you're definitely the best thing that's ever happened to me," Charlie agreed. "I can't believe I even survived two years without you."

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie gives Joey a gift and is invited to sit in on a Doctor's appointment...<em>


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

Charlie was nervous as she drove towards Joey's supported accommodation. Joey had emailed in the week and asked if she would be willing to sit in on a doctor's appointment with her so that the doctor in charge of her tragic case could help her make connections and hopefully progress with trying to win back her memories.

Pulling into the now familiar car park, Charlie found a space, grabbed her stuff and headed into the building where Joey was eagerly waiting for her.

"Hi," she greeted warmly, pulling Charlie into a happy hug.

"Hi," Charlie replied, delicately kissing her cheek.

The concept of being in a relationship with each other was still new and they were both aware of the need to take it slowly. Too much too quickly could upset the semblance of normality that Joey had managed to build up over the last couple of years. She adored Charlie but it was still a big adaption to let her into her life.

"Our appointment is at one so are you happy to just hang out here until then?" Joey asked.

"Sure," Charlie said.

Smiling, Joey led the way up to her room.

* * *

><p>"What's with the bag?" Joey wondered, noting that Charlie was particularly laden.<p>

"Oh!" Charlie said. "It's a gift. For you. Obviously."

She blushed a little as she handed the heavy bag over. Puzzled, Joey unzipped it. Charlie smiled as she watched Joey's eye widen in shock.

"Did you mean to give this to me?" she wondered.

"I don't see anyone else in the room," Charlie replied.

"But..." Joey faltered.

Opening the bag fully, she pulled out a shiny, new laptop.

"Are you serious?" she asked.

"Well, you said it wasn't all that comfortable in the computer room downstairs," Charlie explained. "So I thought if you had a laptop then you could message me in the comfort of your own room."

"Charlie, this is... wow. Thank you."

Charlie was surprised to see tears in Joey's eyes. They hugged. Joey clung on tightly.

"Thank you," she said again.

Pulling back she wiped her eyes, feeling embarrassed and overwhelmed. Charlie stroked her face.

"I didn't mean to make you cry," she said earnestly.

Joey held her hand.

"They're happy tears," she assured her. "Nobody has ever done anything like this for me. I mean, well, maybe they have but..."

She shrugged, swallowing the lump in her throat. Charlie lifted her hand to her lips and kissed it softly.

"I hope you can make use of it," she said. "And I hope I get the chance to do plenty of nice things for you."

She smiled lovingly at Joey before leaning in for another kiss.

* * *

><p>At one o'clock, the couple sat a little shyly, side by side in Joey's doctor's office.<p>

"You don't need to look so nervous," Doctor Scott said, offering a warm smile.

Charlie's nerves only increased and she glanced worriedly at Joey, who smiled.

"Thanks for coming," she said. "It really does mean a lot to me."

"You'll be surprised at the difference you're making to Joey," Doctor Scott said. "She's been like a completely different person for the last few weeks."

Joey blushed but grinned and agreed.

"Doctor Scott had an idea about things you could help me with," she ventured. "If you were willing?"

"I'm willing to do anything you need me to," Charlie said.

_Except confess that I cheated on you and broke your heart_, she added silently. The thought made her feel unwell. She knew she had to tell the truth but somehow, every time it came to saying the words, she failed. And she knew she was letting her down.

"Joey was very encouraged by visiting your home town last week," Doctor Scott explained. "No actual memories were triggered but there's definitely potential there. We were wondering if you could do a more in depth tour, as it were."

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked.

"Take her to places that were meaningful to her," Doctor Scott said. "And share some of her experiences in those places. Give as much detail as you can."

"Okay," Charlie said, her voice trembling a little.

She felt nervous over the Doctor and Joey having so much faith in her.

"The song that you sent her a few weeks ago, triggered something," the Doctor continued.

"Only vaguely," Joey said sadly.

She felt like she was repeatedly hitting her head against a brick wall. Although she had a lot more hope now, she was still fearful that she would never truly remember anything about herself.

"Vague is better than nothing," Doctor Scott reminded her.

Joey nodded and plastered a smile on her face.

"So if you can think of sounds or smells, music, snippets of conversation, objects... anything, then please share them with her," Joey's consultant requested.

"Okay," Charlie agreed. "We're um... we're spending the weekend in Summer Bay so maybe we could make a start there? I mean... well, we only knew each other for a couple of months really but I can go through everything I remember."

Joey beamed at her, making sure she showed how grateful she was.

"Well, that's all I really needed to say," Doctor Scott said. "Unless there anything else you need to discuss with me – either of you?"

"I'm fine," Joey said.

She turned to Charlie.

"Do you have any questions?"

"No," Charlie said. "I just... I just hope I can help properly."

"You already are," Joey told her.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey has a memory trigger and Charlie tells her about Ruby's conception...<em>


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

"Okay, so this is where we first met?" Joey asked.

She and Charlie were standing down by the docks near all the fishing trawlers that kept business booming in the Bay.

"Yes," the police officer said. "I was in my uniform and I came down here with Watson to break up a fight."

"A fight?" Joey queried, her eyes a little wide.

"The guy who... um... who attacked you," Charlie ventured awkwardly. "He got into a fight with an inspector you'd sent to check the trawler was safe."

"Why did I do that?" Joey wondered.

"You'd had an accident earlier in the week," Charlie explained. "You got knocked overboard and Aden had to save you from drowning."

"I really wasn't the luckiest person in the world, was I?" Joey said, trying to sound light hearted. "I mean, I guess I should have realised that sooner. I _did _get caught up in what I presume was a trawler accident and I _did _lose all my memories so I guess it stands to reason."

She shook her head, a little bewildered. If it wasn't so tragic, she was sure it would be funny. Charlie pulled her in for a hug, kissing the top of her head. Joey closed her eyes and smiled at her touch. She wrapped her arms around her. Suddenly, she jerked away.

"This is where I left you," she realised.

Charlie paled.

"Sorry?"

"We were here," Joey said. "When I left town. Were we?"

Charlie nodded anxiously, terrified at being caught out. She studied Joey's bewildered face, wondering just how much she could recall.

"I was wearing a hat," Joey said. "And a big, baggy t-shirt. And you were wearing shorts."

Charlie nodded. Joey smirked.

"You looked hot," she said. "How did I even manage to sail away?"

Charlie blushed, relaxing a little, although her heart was still pounding.

"I kissed you goodbye," Joey said. "And I watched the shore until I couldn't see you anymore."

Charlie nodded, sighing heavily. It might be wonderful for Joey to have some sort of recollection but it was a memory that Charlie had tried to forget.

"That was random," Joey mused, shoving her hands in her pockets and looking out at the horizon. "We were meant to remember the _first _time we met, not the last time."

She turned back to Charlie and smiled brightly.

"But I'll take what I can get."

Charlie chuckled and put her arm around her girlfriend.

"So, tell me what happened," Joey requested.

Charlie looked concerned again.

"When we first met," Joey added. "Can you tell me the story? And maybe leave out details of anything too horrible."

Keeping her arm around Joey, Charlie took a breath.

"After you got knocked overboard, you told health and safety that there were issues on the trawler," she explained. "But by the time an inspector showed up, you'd already quit your job."

"Because of _him_?" Joey asked, not quite able to say the name of the man she had been told had attacked her.

"Yes," Charlie said. "You couldn't cope, understandably so you were hiding out at home. But you got called in for the inspection. You withdrew the complaint but Robbo lost his rag with the inspector and started throwing some punches. I got called out to the scene but the inspector didn't want to press charges. You looked so shaken. I was worried about you but you didn't want to talk to me so I left you all to it. I still feel kind of bad about that."

"You shouldn't," Joey said. "How were you to know what had happened to me?"  
>"I should have read the signs. I mean, I know what they are. It happened to..."<p>

She trailed off, suddenly aware that she hadn't shared that particular story with Joey yet.

"It happened to you?" Joey asked, looking aghast.

Charlie swallowed and nodded. She kicked her shoes off and sat at the edge of the water. Joey followed suit, positioning herself close beside her.

"Did I know about it?" she wondered.

"No," Charlie said, her voice breaking a little. "I ran out of time to tell you."

"I'm sorry," Joey said earnestly. "I really feel shitty about abandoning you like that."

Tears rolled down Charlie's cheeks as she reached out to hold Joey close.

"Please don't ever apologise to me for leaving," she said sadly. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Joey sighed heavily, unconvinced. More than once since she had been reunited with Charlie, she had wondered if her accident was karma for abandoning the woman she was meant to love.

"Would you tell me about it?" Joey asked. "I mean... only if you don't mind. I don't... I don't want to pressure you or anything."

"I'll tell you about it," Charlie said. "I don't mind. It's easier to talk about now. A lot of shit happened revolving around that particular issue after you left."

She sighed, looking anxious.

"That's how I ended up with Ruby as my daughter," she revealed.

Joey jerked away in shock.

"Sorry?"

"I got pregnant," Charlie admitted. "When I was raped."

Joey stared, not entirely sure what the appropriate thing to say was. Charlie smiled weakly and kissed her cheek, preparing to tell the whole story.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey feels bad for not being there for Charlie in the aftermath of the revelations about Ruby, Charlie tells Joey about the riot and the things Hugo was caught up in and Joey uncovers another memory...<em>


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

Joey held Charlie as she listened to the whole story, not only what had happened with Grant when they were teenagers but also what had happened a couple of years ago when Ruby had discovered the truth about her parentage.

"I'm so sorry for everything you went through," Joey sympathised.

Charlie wiped her eyes, a little annoyed with herself for crying. She had never been one to be that open about her feelings, although the first time around, Joey had been the kind of person she could open up to. And this time, even though so many things had changed, she was still the same.

"And I'm sorry I wasn't there," Joey added.

Charlie smiled weakly.

"You couldn't have been there, Joey," she said.

"If I hadn't walked out on you, I would have been," Joey pointed out. "I mean, Ruby found out the truth around about the time that I got washed up with no memory."

Charlie put her arm around her, kissing the top of her head.

"I wish you hadn't gone," she said. "And I wish you'd never got hurt the way you did. But I don't blame you for leaving me."

"I think you should," Joey said. "I think I let you down."

"You didn't," Charlie assured her.

The police officer's palm began to sweat a little. She knew that now was the time to tell the truth. Joey had given her yet another opening but she let the moment pass. She felt too emotional to have that particular discussion now. And, being so close to Joey emotionally and physically was too important to ruin. She ignored the voice in her head, which sounded much like Ruby's, nagged her about doing the wrong thing.

"Why are you being so easy on me?" Joey wondered, snuggling a little further into Charlie's chest.

For a girl who hadn't been entirely convinced she was gay until a few weeks ago, Joey had developed a strong fondness for boobs – namely Charlie's. They hadn't done more than kiss so far but she was nervously excited about the day their relationship might develop.

"Because you didn't do anything wrong," Charlie replied, kissing the top of Joey's head and taking a moment to breathe in the scent of her shampoo.

"I abandoned you," Joey said.

"I deserved it," Charlie replied.

"Because you were a bit panicked about being called gay?" Joey said.

She sat up, looking Charlie directly in the eye.

"Either there's something you're not telling me or you're viewing me with rose tinted spectacles," she said. "That's the correct phrase, right?"

"Right," Charlie chuckled. "But it's not a case of either."

She felt sick at lying but, gazing at Joey, the truth got caught in her throat. She was terrified of losing her all over again.

"Anyway, we're meeting Ruby for dinner at the Diner," she said. "So we should probably head off."

"Is her boyfriend coming?" Joey asked as they stood up and headed back up the wharf.

"Not tonight," Charlie said. "The three of us had dinner together there once, when you and I first started dating so we thought we'd try and recreate it. Although, after the riot last year, it does look a bit different to how it did when you last lived here."

Joey looked shocked.

"A riot?" she asked.

Charlie sighed, wondering how she was going to explain that particular story.

"Last year there was a pretty evil guy living here," she said awkwardly, opting not to mention names. "We all thought he was a nice guy. He had family here and he fell in love with a really wonderful girl. But it turned out that he was part of a human trafficking ring."

"Like, smuggling people into the country?" Joey asked, her eyes wide.

"Yeah," Charlie said. "It was a pretty terrible time. But once the refugees were rescued and taken to hospital, they were treated for all their injuries and illnesses – from the stuff that had happened to them in transit."

Joey nodded, hanging on Charlie's every word.

"Well, there were some people that had issues about whether they were entitled to free health care," the cop explained. "And then, on Australia Day last year, everything kind of kicked off. A load of people got drunk and racist and they beat this poor guy up and set fire to the Diner. It was pretty awful."

"What happened to the guy?" Joey asked. "Was anyone else hurt? Were you there?"

"No," Charlie said. "I was only holiday with my boyfriend at the time."

She looked down unhappily. Joey paused and tilted Charlie's face back up. She smiled.

"You're entitled to have dated other people than me, Charlie," she said.

Something nagged at the back of her mind as she said it but she dismissed it. Right now, the point was to make Charlie feel happy again.

"The guy, Hazem, needed a lot of rehab," Charlie said, ignoring her own guilt. "He moved away but he keeps in touch with Leah from time to time and he seems to be mostly back on his feet, although they did leave him with a permanent disability. Geoff, Ruby's boyfriend at the time hurt his shoulder pretty badly. And it shook everyone else up, Leah especially."

They walked through the Diner doors.

"Well, the place looks lovely anyway," Joey commented.

"The food is amazing," Charlie said.

Spotting Ruby sitting in the nearest table she could get to where they'd sat last time they'd all eaten in the building together, Charlie took Joey's hand and made her way over.

"Hi, guys," Ruby greeted, standing up and hugging Joey.

When she hugged Charlie, she whispered her usual question.

"Not yet," Charlie whispered back anxiously. "But soon."

Pulling away, Ruby didn't look happy. She covered over with a smile and settled down at the table again.

"So, we ate here together one night?" Joey asked, eager to try and get her head around a new set of memories she couldn't access.

"Yep," Ruby said. "We had cake too. Charlie, can we have cake tonight?"

Joey grinned as mother and daughter interacted.

"We can have cake," Charlie assured her.

"And it's all on you?" Ruby persisted. "You paid for dinner last time."

She offered her most charming smile. Joey laughed.

"Yes, it's on me," Charlie said, shaking her head.

Absently, she caught hold of Joey's hand, resting on the table top. Joey smiled at her. An image of trying to hold Charlie's hand flashed into her mind. She'd tried to make contact with her over dinner but Charlie had pulled away. Abruptly, Joey dropped Charlie's hand, surprising them both.

"Are you okay?" Charlie asked worriedly.

"Yeah... fine... Just..."

Joey shook her head anxiously. She could remember feeling rejected, as if Charlie was ashamed to be seen with her. Memories returning were wonderful but Joey had hoped that they would be good ones.

"Did you remember something new?" Charlie asked.

She and Ruby exchanged an anxious glance. _I have to tell her the truth sooner rather than later,_ Charlie realised. _She can't find out like that._

"Yeah," Joey said. "You didn't want to hold my hand."

Charlie swallowed anxiously. She remembered the exact moment.

"Sorry," she said.

Joey forced a grin.

"No need to apologise for it now," she said. "I mean, it was a long time ago."

Charlie nodded. Awkward silence descended on the table.

"But hey," Ruby finally said. "It's cool that you remembered something, right?"

"Yeah," Joey said, eager to be swept along by the teenager's enthusiasm. "It is."

"That's two things now, isn't it?" Ruby asked.

"Three," Charlie said. "She remembered us saying goodbye when we were down at the docks earlier."

"Well, it'd be nice if you could remember good stuff," Ruby admitted. "But it's better than nothing, isn't it?"

Joey smiled, genuinely this time.

"It is," she agreed. "It is."

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey expresses an interest in meeting old friends, as well as her brother and Charlie recreates the moment she and Joey decided to make a go of things...<em>


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One**

"This has been such a wonderful weekend," Joey mused.

It was Sunday afternoon and she was reluctantly packing her things to go home. She loved spending time with Charlie and she was starting to live for the days that she got to see her. They were taking things very slowly but Joey was pleased to be receiving some vague memories of her past life. Plus, kissing the pretty police officer was an experience she very much enjoyed.

"It's been wonderful," Charlie agreed.

She was perched on the edge of the bed she gave up for the weekends, smiling gently at the woman she loved. It still felt unreal to have been given a second chance to win Joey's heart. She missed her terribly between visits, even though they had started talking on the phone or the Internet every day in between.

"Are you free next weekend?" Joey asked hopefully, zipping up her bag and sitting beside her.

"Joey, I'm free every weekend you want to spend with me," Charlie said earnestly.

Joey couldn't help but smile. She leant in and brushed her lips against Charlie's. She smiled more when she was gratefully received.

"I'm free all the time," she said when she pulled away. "I didn't have a life until I met you."

Charlie stroked her cheek, kissing her again.

"Well, maybe you could stay for longer sometime?" she suggested. "Like, you could come for a week or...?"

"Won't Ruby and Leah mind?" Joey wondered. "And wouldn't you? I mean, it's a big ask to get you to share a room with your daughter for an extended period."

"It's fine," Charlie assured her. "We did it for weeks when you stayed here the first time. Nobody minds."

"I just don't want to be a burden," Joey said uncertainly.

Charlie caught hold of her hand, tilting her face to gaze into her eyes.

"You could never be a burden," she said firmly.

Joey smiled a little shyly.

"As long as you're sure, I'd love to come and stay for a bit," she said. "And if you didn't mind, I'd love to keep doing the things we've been doing."

She coloured when Charlie raised her eyebrows in amusement.

"Like recreating conversations and stuff!" she said, swatting Charlie playfully on the arm.

Charlie giggled.

"I'm sure that could be arranged," she said. "And I have one more left for this weekend when I take you home."

"You do?"

Charlie nodded but didn't elaborate.

"I'd love to meet some more people too," Joey ventured. "I mean, it's been really nice spending time with Ruby and Leah. I like Casey. And VJ is awesome. But maybe you could introduce me to some of the people I used to know? Would that be okay?"

"That would be fine," Charlie said, although she was immediately panicked about Joey encountering someone who might tell her the truth before she did.

"And um... well, what do you think about me trying to make contact with my brother?" Joey asked. "What did you say his name was? Ben?"

"Brett," Charlie said.

Joey nodded, repeating his name.

"Do you think I could do that?" she asked. "Or did we leave things too badly? I mean, you're the person who would know – not me."

Charlie swallowed uncertainly. Brett was exactly the person who would tell Joey the whole truth, possibly embellishing things.

"Maybe you should hold off on that for a little while," she said, feeling guilty at putting her off. "Just until you're feeling a little less vulnerable."

"I don't think I'm going to," Joey admitted. "I mean, I'm happier than I've been in two years but until I remember everything I'm supposed to, I don't think I'll stop being afraid of my own shadow."

Charlie sighed and nodded. She put her arm around Joey's shoulders.

"Well, maybe when you're staying here for a bit longer," she said. "When you've remembered a bit more and you're at least feeling a little bit more settled."

Joey smiled and nodded, thanking her.

* * *

><p>Having had a lovely and very filling dinner with Leah, Miles, VJ and Ruby, Charlie drove Joey out of Summer Bay and towards the place she reluctantly called home.<p>

"So when is this re-enactment going to happen?" Joey wondered.

Charlie smiled a little shyly and pulled up in the car park by the beach.

"Now," she said, killing the engine.

Joey continued to look confused.

"It was right here, like this that I first told you I loved you," Charlie explained.

Joey looked startled and then elated.

"What happened?" she asked, eager for details.

"Well, we hadn't spoken for a little while," Charlie said, gazing into Joey's eyes. "Eleven excruciating days, actually."

"Not that you counted," Joey smirked.

"Not that I counted!" Charlie agreed with a laugh. "You called the police about an assault you'd witnessed and when I'd finished dealing with the situation, I tried to smile at you but you just ignored me."

"I'm sorry," Joey said.

Charlie reached out and squeezed her hand.

"Sweetheart, you don't have to apologise for things you don't remember," she said gently. "And besides, you didn't do anything wrong then either. You weren't talking to me because I broke your heart."

"By telling me that you didn't want to be with me?" Joey asked.

Charlie had less than enthusiastically told her about one of several goodbyes at the house.

"By telling you that even though I wanted to, I couldn't," Charlie corrected.

Not wanting to be with Joey had never been the issue. Joey nodded and apologised again. Charlie chuckled and shook her head.

"I spoke to you later that same day," she said. "And we had a brief conversation. You told me that I'd broken your heart and I admitted that I'd broken mine too. And we had this moment..."

"Moment?"

"It's hard to explain in words," Charlie said. "It's like, we looked at each other and we just knew how we both felt."

Joey smiled, wishing that it was a memory she could hold onto.

"But I got called away. I was making dinner at home when you knocked on the door and asked to talk. You'd accepted a job on a long haul but you gave me one last chance to be with you."

Charlie closed her eyes, picturing the moment that they had finally got together.

"I drove us down here on a night like this," she said, gesturing to the world around them. "And we talked things through properly for really the first time. I'd been pretty guarded up to that point, unable to explain how I really felt. I told you how scared I was about the way people might judge me if I was with you. I was worried about work and Ruby and the rest of the Bay."

"You were embarrassed to be with me?" Joey wondered.

Charlie looked up sharply. Joey jumped in surprise and quickly apologised if she'd said something wrong. A tear rolled down Charlie's cheek, landing on her lips as she smiled.

"What?" Joey asked nervously.

"That was what you asked me that night," Charlie said.

Joey's eyes widened and her smile was dazzling.

"I did?" she asked hopefully.

Charlie nodded.

"You did," she confirmed. "Can you... can you remember it at all?"

Joey closed her eyes, trying to imagine the scene but sighed and shook her head when nothing came.

"I told you that you were simplifying things but you countered that for you it _was _simple."

Joey kept her eyes closed. Her heart raced as she imagined everything Charlie told her.

"You told me how you felt about me and then you asked me if I wanted to be with you," the police officer explained. "I said I did. You touched my face. Like this..."

Joey opened her eyes as Charlie lifted her hand to cup her face. She became tearful as she saw the same image in her minds eye. It felt like something she knew.

"And I held your hand," Charlie said. "You told me again that you were in love with me and I told you that I loved you too."

She smiled.

"Then you smiled at me and asked what we were going to do about it," she said.

Joey heard her own voice in her head. She knew she was on the cusp of remembering. And she wanted it so badly.

"I still remember the way you looked in the moonlight," Charlie ventured. "I looked at you and I thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world. No, more than that... the most beautiful person. I could hardly believe I was on the edge of being with someone as amazing as you. I was terrified but also, I knew I was the luckiest person in the world."

Joey opened her eyes.

"Then we kissed," Charlie said.

As she leant forward, Joey was able to picture how it had been that night with genuine clarity. As Charlie kissed her tenderly, the memory of their first night together suddenly hit her in waves. Pulling away, Charlie gazed into Joey's eyes, trying to read her expression.

"I remember," Joey almost whispered. "We kissed for ages. We got cramp from being so uncomfortable in the seats, so restricted."

Charlie smiled, nodding emphatically.

"And then you called Ruby and told her you had to work all night," Joey said. "And then we went to a hotel."

They both blushed at the memory. Joey shook her head, bewildered and embarrassed and she remembered significant details of the night they had spent together. Her lip trembled as she pulled Charlie closer to her. She closed her eyes, clutching Charlie tightly and pressing her lips against her neck.

"I remember," she whispered again. "I remember."

Charlie wrapped her arms tightly around Joey's waist.

"I mean, I only remember that night," Joey added. "But that's more than anything I've managed before. It feels like a miracle. I can't believe I remember so much, Charlie. Thank you."

They kissed as night began to fall.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey has another memory and Charlie finally confesses...<em>


	22. Chapter 22

_After this chapter, there are ten chapters left and then I will hopefully be posting a new fic on one of the more recent Home and Away storylines – with a CJ spin, of course. I hope you enjoy the chapter. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Twenty Two**

Joey happily arrived in Summer Bay with a small bag, ready to spend a week with her girlfriend. To say that she was excited would be the understatement of the Century. For as unhappy as she had been over the last few years, her joyful feelings now were most definitely a match. She wondered if this was how she had felt the first time she and Charlie had met. She must have been at her lowest ebb over what had happened to her but Charlie had saved her life – literally ad figuratively. And now it felt like she was doing the same thing all over again. Joey had been trying to think of ways to thank her since they'd met. Charlie had done so much for her. She'd given her several long lost memories, she made her laugh and feel connected to a life she had long ago left behind. She had even bought her a laptop so that they could chat online in the comfort of her room instead of in a public and somewhat uncomfortable forum.

"What's on your mind?" Charlie asked curiously as she pulled into the drive outside her home.

"Nothing," Joey lied, offering a smile.

Charlie cut the engine and undid her seatbelt before turning to Joey and studying her pretty face. She smiled back at her thinking about how lucky she was to have been given this second chance. And she was determined to tell the truth – today if she could – and desperately hoped that Joey would forgive her and continue their relationship.

"I'm just really excited to be here," Joey said.

Still smiling, Charlie leant in and kissed her. She ran her hands through Joey's hair, pulling her closer.

"I'm really excited that you're here too," she said sincerely. "I think this week is going to be something special."

Joey stole another kiss and then they headed out of the car.

* * *

><p>It had been a nice day so far and now night was drawing in. Charlie and Joey had spent much of their time cuddled up on the sofa watching DVD's. The idea had been that Charlie would introduce Joey to what had been her favourite films before the accident. Generally, Joey didn't watch all that much fiction. She was concerned about it getting mixed up with reality in her head. But with a smattering of memory returning and a strong desire to be normal again, Joey had agreed that watching some films could be fun. It was also something that she and Charlie had done in the past and both women were eager to recapture some of their old relationship. They had started on <em>Finding Nemo<em>, continued with _Miss Congeniality _and now they were almost done with _Mamma Mia_.

"I had good taste in movies," Joey decided.

Charlie chuckled and nodded, her arm draped around Joey who was leaning against her.

"I had good taste in most things," Joey added, gazing at her girlfriend.

Charlie blushed at the compliment. They kissed tenderly.

"Charlie...?" Joey ventured a little shyly.

"Yes?"

"Um... well, uh... I was thinking..."

Charlie turned to offer Joey her full attention.

"I feel a bit bad about kicking you out of your own room for a whole week."

"I don't mind," Charlie said before catching Joey's expression and blushing again.

"I mean, I don't think we're ready to um... well, I mean, I'm not ready but... but there's nothing wrong with sleeping side by side, is there?"

"Nothing wrong with that," Charlie agreed.

They smiled at each other.

"So, you'll stay with me?" Joey asked.

"I will stay with you for as long as you'll let me" Charlie told her. "I'd love to."

Kissing again, Joey stroked Charlie's face. Then she jerked back suddenly.

"What's wrong?" Charlie asked worriedly.

"We kissed on this sofa before," Joey realised.

"Lots of times," Charlie smirked, although she was excited at the prospect of Joey remembering something new.

"We'd spent the night together and Ruby found us," Joey ventured, hoping she was right. "She yelled at you and you phoned me in tears. We were kissing on the sofa when she walked back in."

Charlie smiled and held her hand.

"That's right," she said.

Joey closed her eyes, picturing the scene and willing herself to remember more.

"We um... we..."

She sighed and shook her head, opening back up to gaze at Charlie.

"I don't remember anything else," she said.

Charlie kept hold of her hands.

"I raced out of the room and into the kitchen," she said, pulling them both to their feet. "We argued for a bit until you came in and made us calm down."

She led Joey into the kitchen and pulled out the chair nearest the window.

"You were sitting here," she said. "And I was sitting here."

She took her own seat at the head of the table and directed Joey to look at the seat Ruby had taken. Then she relayed the conversation they'd had as best she could remember.

* * *

><p>That night, Charlie and Joey both felt a little shy as they lay beside each other in bed. They held hands under the blankets, smiling through the darkness of the room.<p>

"Joey?" Charlie ventured.

"Mmm?" Joey replied, sounding like she was pretty much already asleep.

"There's something I need to talk to you about."

"Mmm," Joey mumbled again, snuggling into the crook of Charlie's arm.

"When... um... well, when you left me it was my fault," the police officer began, a lump aching in her throat. "I uh... I couldn't cope when everyone found out about us. I'd been suspended from work and everyone was gossiping and laughing and I didn't know what to do. I wasn't allowed to see you until work had established that I hadn't abused you in any way. That's what I was being accused of."

She took a deep breath.

"And the night that we were apart, I... I um..."

Tears escaped her eyes.

"I cheated on you," she admitted.

Her anxiety grew at Joey's silence. She apologised profusely but still Joey didn't answer. She didn't even move.

"Joey?" Charlie said through the dark.

She shifted, peering closely at her girlfriend's face. She said her name again.

Joey jolted and opened her eyes.

"Sorry," she said, embarrassed. "Did you just say something?"

Charlie sighed and hugged her closer.

"No," she lied. "I was just saying goodnight."

"Goodnight, Charlie," Joey said sweetly, placing a single kiss on her lips. "I love you."

"I love you too," Charlie replied.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey wants to take her relationship with Charlie to the next level...<em>


	23. Chapter 23

_Hi everyone. Just to say that I may or may not update over the next few days as it's the anniversary of my Dad's death so I will be busy trying to deal with that and support my family. And just to add, thank you to everyone who has reviewed or even read my stories. And also to those who have contacted me privately. This has been a really hard few weeks. First I had that horrible bug, then I had to make a pretty life changing decision and my friends and I are trying to deal with the fallout from that, then my hamster, Joey died and now with Dad's anniversary coming up, everything has been feeling a bit much. So, everyone that has taken the time to get in touch, for whatever reason, thank you. You have helped to make everything a little easier to bear. Anyway, enough of my rambling... I hope you enjoy the chapter. The next few should be pretty dramatic as we hurtle towards the conclusion of this particular piece. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Twenty Three**

It had been a lovely few days and the more time Joey spent with Charlie, the less she wanted to go home. She'd remembered little nuggets of information about kisses and conversations. Charlie, Ruby, VJ and Leah were all becoming increasingly familiar to her, as if she could almost remember knowing them before. Charlie had taken the week off work in order to devote herself to Joey and it made her feel very special. She had been lost for so long, never having connections to her past and feeling like a stranger in her own life. Now it felt like she had everything she hadn't even realised she wanted. And she felt like she could burst from happiness.

Strolling along the beach together, holding hands, Joey's heart began to race as she prepared to broach a particular subject. Noticing that her girlfriend's breathing had become somewhat laboured, Charlie paused and turned to gaze at her worriedly.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" she asked.

Joey looked a little pale.

"Have you remembered something else?" Charlie added hopefully.

Joey shook her head and pulled Charlie to sit on the sand with her.

"I've just been thinking about some stuff," the former deckhand ventured.

"What kind of stuff?" Charlie wondered a little anxiously.

For the millionth time, she heard Ruby's voice in her head, nagging her to tell the truth. Since the first night when Joey had been too sleepy to hear her confession, Charlie had failed to bring the subject up again. She was too scared of losing her.

"Us... stuff," Joey said.

She managed a smile and looked into Charlie's eyes.

"I mean... well, the thing is... that, well... you know I love you, don't you?"

Charlie nodded and smiled.

"And I love you too," she replied.

"I'm glad," Joey admitted. "I mean, I'm not exactly a great catch. It doesn't sound like I used to be either so..."

She trailed off, not wanting to distract herself from the issue in hand.

"You were most definitely a catch," Charlie corrected her. "And you still are. I was the luckiest woman in the world to get to be with you the first time. And to get a second chance..."

She trailed off and smiled. She could hardly believe how lucky she was. And she could hardly believe how close she was to losing everything that was important to her.

"That's kind of what I wanted to discuss with you," Joey admitted. "And I'm feeling kind of shy about it so could you just look at the sea or something while I ramble?"

Charlie chuckled and nodded, stealing a quick kiss before obeying orders. Joey took a deep breath.

"I love you," she said. "And I love kissing you and snuggling up to you at night. I love looking at you and talking to you. I love hugging you. That's seriously amazing. You have this wonderful ability to make me feel safe and adored. It's a very new experience. I've been so lost these last couple of years and I feel like I've finally come home, you know?"

Charlie nodded, forcing herself not to turn her head.

"I was just thinking that... well, that maybe we could take things further?"

The last few words came out as more of a squeak than a sentence. Charlie turned abruptly to look at her.

"Further?" she asked anxiously.

"Like... well, you said we went to hotel on our first night... together. And we've been recreating so much stuff that we've done together and I thought... well, we could..."

She smiled nervously, terrified of being rejected. Charlie smiled back and caught hold of her hand.

"You want to?" she asked.

Joey nodded.

"I mean, I think I do," she added. "I don't... well, I'm pretty much doing all of this for the first time. But I know I want to be close to you and I guess that's the kind of thing proper grown ups do, don't they? I mean, people that love each other and are in relationships. They're intimate. I mean, I haven't actually got the first frickin' clue what I'm doing but..."

She trailed off and smiled again. Charlie put her arm around her and kissed the top of her head. She took a deep breath.

"I'd love nothing more than to be with you like that again," she said honestly. "But I think there's some more stuff we need to talk about first."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Just some... some things that you don't remember yet. Some things I need to share."

Joey nodded, wide eyed and patient. Charlie swallowed several times, trying to figure out how she could bear to tell the ugly truth about their past. She was interrupted by a phone call.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey learns the truth of why she and Charlie broke up...<em>


	24. Chapter 24

_Here it is... Joey discovers the truth! Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Twenty Four**

"Joey, I'm so sorry," Charlie said. "I'll be as quick as I can."

The phone call had been from Watson, explaining that there had been a huge traffic accident just outside of town and they needed everyone to help.

"It's fine," Joey said as they walked back towards Charlie's car, parked outside the Surf Club.

"Do you want me to drive you back to my place first?" Charlie asked.

"No, no, it's fine," Joey assured her, squeezing her hand. "I'll probably wander around for a bit and then meet you back at the house. Call me when you're done?"

Charlie nodded. A couple of days ago, they had gone into town to get Joey's first post-accident mobile phone. Up until now, being so isolated, she hadn't considered one before. But now that she was getting something resembling a life back, she had conceded that calling and texting the woman of her dreams was a good thing.

"Okay," Charlie said. "I'll be as quick as I can."

She smiled and brushed her lips gently against Joey's, who wrapped her arms around her shoulders and pulled her a little closer.

"I love you," Charlie called tenderly as she climbed into the driver's seat of the car.

"I love you too," Joey replied, smiling and waving until she was gone.

Shoving her hands in her pockets, Joey smiled to herself. She paused when she received a sudden flash of memory. The morning after the first night she and Charlie had spent together, she had done the same thing. Charlie had dropped her off in order to cancel the long haul she had arranged and Joey had watched her leave in the same swoony fashion. Her smile only increased at the way long lost memories seemed to be finding her. Every day, she felt like she was closer to her old life. And even if she didn't get her memory back completely, the snippets were enough to make her feel very happy.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later, Joey had wandered around the Bay, trying to remind herself of any places she could remember. She liked the beach. It made her feel peaceful and she was pleased that she had grown up in such a beautiful place.<p>

Following the coast road, she'd passed the docks and all the boats. She'd spotted the trawler that was no longer in use but she had apparently worked on for a time. She was aware that her assault had taken place below deck, which was what stopped her from venturing any closer to it. If she could block out any memories of being raped, she was eager to do it. It had been hard enough to be informed of what had happened to her, without making it worse for herself. When Charlie had told her the truth about what had happened, it had been the first time she'd ever felt grateful for her accident.

Pausing her steps, Joey looked up the road she had inadvertently wandered towards. Charlie had driven her past her old house at the beginning of the week. They hadn't stayed long and Joey hadn't made any move to try and contact her so called brother, although she was curious about him. Chewing her lip and weighing up her options, Joey proceeded from the coast road, up the lane that she had apparently grown up on.

Joey came to a stop when she found herself in front of her old house. She wondered what kind of memories she was missing from living there. That was something that even Charlie wasn't able to help her with. Her girlfriend and her brother had never been friends and by the sounds of it, never would be. While Charlie had stood up for Brett, Joey was desperately disappointed that he had rejected her so cruelly for being gay.

She wondered if she should go and knock. She had time to kill and she liked the idea of spending time in the place where she had grown up. There was a deep rooted hope in her heart that seeing her old room, her old house, her family, would bring back some memories for her. And maybe some of them might even be good.

Sighing, she chewed her lip. Charlie hadn't exactly painted a pretty picture of Joey's home life. Brett hadn't believed she was raped at first. And then he had thrown her out of the house when she'd come out as gay. And then he had given them a lot of hassle when she and Charlie had come out, rather unwittingly as a couple.

No, she decided. Things were going too well for her right now. She didn't want to invite any more pain until she was ready. From the sounds of it, she had a lot of demons to face. And she wasn't sure that now was the time for that. Turning away, she was about to walk back down to the docks when she heard someone call her name. Turning back, she came face to face with a man she didn't recognise.

"Joey?" he said again. "Jo, what are you doing here?"

Joey stared at him anxiously. She chewed her lip until it bled. He approached, urgency in his eyes.

"Joey?"

"Are you Brett?" she asked hopefully.

He stared at her in disbelief.

"Of course I am," he said. "How could you not recognise me?"

Joey shoved her hands in her pockets and swallowed.

"I have amnesia," she explained awkwardly.

His mouth hung open as he studied her face.

"Sorry?" he finally managed.

"When I left town two years ago, I ended up in some kind of accident," Joey explained. "I've only just found any kind of connection to my past. Nobody missed me and I didn't have any details about myself so..."

She trailed off. Brett continued to stare at her.

"I don't understand," he admitted. "If you don't know who you are then how come you're here?"

"Well, I got chatting randomly to someone on the Internet and it turned out she knew me," Joey explained. "And I've been learning about myself since then."

"Who is she?" Brett wondered, trying not to sound a suspicious as he felt.

"Charlie Buckton," Joey said. "I gather you weren't her biggest fan."

She tried to smile but was met with a scowl.

"How can you be around that bitch, Joey?" he snapped.

"I know you don't like the idea of me being gay..." Joey ventured.

"I don't care about that," he said. "I mean, that's not the issue. This issue is _her_, Jo. How could you be with her after what she did to you?"

Joey looked a little bewildered. He fell silent, waiting for some kind of answer.

"Amnesia," she reminded him. "I mean, I know she struggled to come out as my girlfriend but that's not so bad, is it? Personally, I think leaving town was a bit of an overreaction..."

"She slept with a guy behind your back!" Brett exploded.

Joey stared at him.

"Wh... what?" she managed.

Memories hit her hard. Suddenly it felt like her world was imploding.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey confronts Charlie about her betrayal...<em>


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty Five**

Having escaped Brett, Joey was sitting on the beach with her head in her hands. Her mind was reeling. She remembered it clearly now. Brett had vandalised Charlie's car after finding out that they were dating. Then he had made a formal complaint at the police station, accusing Charlie of abusing her. They hadn't been allowed to see each other for a night and Joey had been thrilled to be back in her arms the next day. They'd stayed together for a week or so after that and then Joey had discovered the truth. Charlie had slept with a man called Hugo, the brother of Ruby's then boyfriend, Xavier. Joey had moved out immediately and then, hurt beyond belief, she had accepted a job on a long haul and intended to leave without saying goodbye. Charlie had found her at the last minute and begged her to stay but Joey hadn't been able to cope. Her plan had been to leave for three months and then come home and see if she and Charlie could make things work. Then everything had gone black.

Joey wiped her eyes when she saw tears drip onto the sand beneath her. She took several deep breaths as she tried to regain control of her feelings. Not only had Charlie messed her around, she'd broken her heart by sleeping with some other guy behind her back. Then she'd lied about it. And now, after weeks of being back in each other's lives, with Charlie professing to be her angel, her hero and her saviour, she had continued to lie. Joey had fallen in love with her all over again. She'd even been so bold as to want to take that step with Charlie on a physical level. But Charlie had taken advantage of her situation. She'd lied about why they'd split up. She'd even allowed Joey to feel guilty for overreacting.

She jumped when her mobile phone starting singing at her. Pulling it out of her pocket, she stared at Charlie's name – one of the only people she actually had stored in her phone book. Sighing heavily, Joey gently tossed the phone onto the sand. Charlie Buckton was the last person she wanted to speak to now.

* * *

><p>It was an hour later and Charlie was relieved to finally be finishing her impromptu shift. Her concern was that she had tried to call Joey several times but she hadn't picked up. It definitely wasn't like her and Charlie was most concerned that something bad might have happened. She was nervous anyway. Tonight was the night that she was going to tell Joey the whole truth. It was a big risk but it was one she knew she had to take. All she could hope was that Joey wouldn't hold something she couldn't remember against her. And that she would forgive her for holding off and telling her the truth. She hoped it would count in her favour that she had been honest and told her voluntarily, rather than letting her find out some other way. She had wondered more than once if, had she been honest about Hugo the first time instead of letting Joey find out the way she did, might she have kept her? But she supposed that unless Joey got her memory back for real, that was a question she would never get the answer to.<p>

Sighing, Charlie tried calling Joey one more time. Once again, she got no answer. Driving towards home, Charlie hoped that her girlfriend would be there. Her plan was to take her out for a drive and tell her everything. Then she would let Joey decide what to do. But hopefully, she would see that Charlie had changed and that she was ready to be with her now. She was desperate to be granted another chance.

Arriving home, Charlie marched through the house, calling Joey's name. Her girlfriend appeared, looking pale and unhappy. She was clutching a packed bag. Confused, Charlie stared at her.

"Joey, what's going on?" she asked.

"You lied to me," Joey replied.

Charlie swallowed a couple of times, looking scared. She shoved her hands her pockets before pulling them out and folding them across her middle. She shifted from one foot to the other and her throat felt tight.

"What... um... what do you mean?" she asked nervously.

"You slept with someone behind my back," Joey accused. "That's why I broke up with you."

Charlie sighed heavily.

"Joey, I'm so sorry..."

"For cheating on me or for taking advantage of my situation to get me back into your bed?"

She sounded and felt bitter. And close to tears.

"Joey..."

"I can't believe you'd do this to me," Joey said, sounding more weak than angry. "I trusted you. I thought... I thought you loved me."

"I do love you!" Charlie said desperately, stepped forward.

She tried to touch Joey's hands but she jerked out of the way.

"Don't touch me," she hissed.

She closed her eyes as another jolt of memory slapped her in the face. She'd said the same thing when she'd found out about Charlie's betrayal the first time. Looking Charlie directly in the face, she glared at her, trying not to feel compassion as Charlie openly began to weep.

"All this time, you made me feel that I'd done something awful by abandoning you," Joey said. "When actually, had I not had the accident, I _shouldn't _have come back to you. Ever. You're not the person I thought you were. You're not even half that."

Pushing past Charlie, Joey hurried out of the house, marching down the road towards the bus stop.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Joey goes home and Charlie tries to explain herself...<em>


	26. Chapter 26

_Sorry for my absence yesterday – if you noticed! I had a million and one things to do before I came home from visiting my mother so by the time I got back, I didn't have the energy. I hope you enjoy the chapter, if that's the right word, considering the current story! Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Twenty Six**

Joey cursed under her breath and rubbed her red rimmed eyes as she saw Charlie approaching the bus stop.

"I don't really want to talk to you," she said when her girlfriend was in earshot.

Charlie knelt in front of her, taking both her hands. Joey hesitantly retained the contact.

"Joey, I screwed up," the police officer said honestly. "And I am so, so sorry."

"You cheated on me," Joey said, more sad than angry. "And you lied to me about it. I might never have come back to you if I'd known what really happened, Charlie. You should have been honest about it. Then... then maybe we could have worked through it but now..."

She trailed off. Breaking away from Charlie, she wiped her eyes and longed for the bus to show up. Charlie took her hands again, gazing earnestly into her face.

"I know," she said. "I know all of that. When I told you that you were right to leave me, I meant it. What I did... cheating on you, it's the worst thing I've ever done and it's the biggest regret on a very long list."

She struggled with her own tears and held Joey's hand a little harder.

"I love you so much, Joey," she said. "I always have. And I know I screwed up. Both times. I had the chance to make things right with you and I blew it. And I'm so sorry."

Joey gazed her, wondering how a woman she admired and respected so much could have hurt her so badly. Too many things were charging around in her brain. She couldn't think straight.

"I tried to tell you at the beginning of the week," Charlie tried.

"How did I miss that?" Joey asked, desperate to believe her.

"You were asleep," Charlie admitted. "I didn't realise until you didn't respond. And then... then I was going to tell you tonight..."

"Convenient," Joey remarked.

Charlie nodded and hung her head.

"When you said you wanted to take things further," she said. "And I told you that there were some things we needed to talk about first. That's... that's what I meant."

Joey chewed her lip, debating her response.

"I wouldn't have taken things further with you without being honest first."

"Oh, well that's okay then!" Joey said sarcastically, breaking away from her. "I'll come back with you right now, shall I?"

Charlie shuffled forward on her knees, pressing between Joey's thighs and wrapping her arms around her waist.

"Please don't walk away from me, Joey," she begged. "Look what happened last time."

The bus pulled up. Joey escaped Charlie's arms.

"Well, right now, I wish I'd never had the chance to remember anything at all," she snapped tearfully, hurrying onto the vehicle, paying and taking a seat.

At the bus stop, watching the love of her life put as much distance between them as possible, Charlie broke down.

* * *

><p>Joey had been on the bus for twenty minutes and she hadn't been able to stop crying. Several people had been looking at her and one guy had changed seats. But the sobs kept coming. Joey felt like her world was ending all over again. She felt physically sick. Had she done right or wrong by walking away? Charlie had a point after all. Last time Joey had decided that fleeing the town was the solution to her problems, she'd nearly died. And part of her really had. She had very few connections to her past and those tentative ones were now at risk of being destroyed. Charlie had so quickly come to mean the world to her. They'd loved each and they were building a future. Now, it was all over. And Joey didn't know where to turn.<p>

* * *

><p>"Charlie?" Ruby said.<p>

She and Casey had been walking back to the house when they'd spotted her mother sitting on the floor at the bus stop in tears. The police officer barely registered them. Ruby moved closer and crouched down in front of her. Casey hung back a little anxiously.

"Charlie?" Ruby said again. "What's wrong? Where's Joey?"

"She's gone," Charlie said weakly, meeting Ruby's eyes. "You were right. I fucked it all up. She's gone."

Ruby gathered her into her arms as she wept.

* * *

><p>It was late by the time Joey arrived back at the clinic. The bus ride home took decidedly longer than the car ride with Charlie. Exhausted and still tearful, Joey thanked the driver and lugged her stuff off the bus.<p>

"Hi, Joey," Brenda on reception said. "You're back early."

"Yeah," Joey sighed, leaning on the counter top. "My week didn't go quite as planned."

"Are you okay?" the kindly woman in her fifties asked.

"Not really," Joey admitted. "I wouldn't start planning to give my room to anyone soon. It looks like I'm going to be lost and alone for the rest of my life."

Sighing heavily, she turned and trudged up to her room.

* * *

><p>Charlie sat back on the sofa, still a broken mess. Casey had gone home and promised not to tell anyone – namely Brax – about what had happened. Charlie was relieved that he had seen fit to leave his girlfriend to it. She did not want to pour her heart out to an adolescent boy.<p>

"Did you do it?" Ruby asked, nodding towards the laptop when she came into the room with a glass of wine.

Charlie nodded glumly. She felt like her heart was breaking.

"I doubt it'll help," she said. "She was right to leave me the first time and she's right now. I've never been good enough for her. Both times, she gave me her whole heart and both times, I trampled on it. Why didn't I just listen to you from the start?"

* * *

><p>Joey had unpacked and paced her room. She'd turned her phone back on in case Charlie had messaged her, not sure if she wanted her to or not. Sinking onto the bed, she studied the wall in front of her where she had slowly been gathering a happy photo collection from her visits to Summer Bay. Her eyes settled uncertainly on the laptop Charlie had bought her. Against her better judgement, she turned it on. She felt a pang of sadness as she saw her desktop – a photo of her and Charlie from a few weeks ago on the beach. She could hardly believe that only this morning, she had been considering sleeping with her. For Joey, it would feel like she was losing her virginity. It was a special and scary thing but she had trusted her so much that she'd been willing. And her love and her trust had been misguided.<p>

Logging into her email, she scanned through the junk, including the messages from other girls on the dating website that had 'checked her out'. But her eyes were immediately drawn to Charlie's name. She'd obviously gone home and sent an email while Joey was still on the bus. Taking several deep breaths, Joey opened the message and began to read.

* * *

><p><em>Next time... Charlie's email to Joey...<em>


	27. Chapter 27

_Five more chapters after this one, guys. And then I have a new story based around a more recent storyline. I hopeyou enjoy Charlie's outpouring! Love, IJKS_

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

My dearest Joey,

I know you hate me right now but I'm begging you not to delete this email until you've read it. Once you've heard me out then you're free to leave me forever, although honestly, that would break my heart beyond the telling of it.

I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am... for so many things.

The first time we were together, I loved you so passionately. I've never experienced anything like that before, or since, until I found you again. But I came from a broken place and I let all my anxieties and fears ruin what we had.

I've never been good at relationships, ever since my first when the boy raped me and well, you already know the rest of that particular story. As an adult, I've shied away from commitment and I've had issue after issue with it. I know that doesn't excuse everything I've said and done wrong but I hope it might go at least a little way to explain why.

When I fell in love with you, I was pretty shocked because I'd never so much as noticed another woman before in that way. And I had certainly never been in love. Everything was a huge shock to my system and as I've taken pains to explain, I messed you around a lot while I was figuring things out. And that's something I'm desperately ashamed of.

You were so amazing to me. You were gentle and patient and you lived in so much hope that I'd grow up and admit that I wanted to be with you. It took you nearly leaving town for me to finally do that and the time we spent together was so amazing.

You were the first and only person I've ever made love with. I've slept with a handful of men but it's never been anything like what I had with you. That first night we spent together, I cried myself to sleep because I was so happy. Pretty pathetic, hey? But I just couldn't believe that I was finally in a relationship with the person of my dreams. You weren't the person I expected but I was happy anyway.

It was after that that a lot of problems kicked in. Ruby flipped at first, although she is very supportive of us now and for that, I'm grateful. Then when your brother found out we were an item, he spray painted homophobic language on my car and made a formal complaint against me at work. He accused me of abusing you because I was the police officer in charge of your case against the man that raped you. He said I took advantage of you when you were vulnerable. And to this day, I'm terrified that he was right.

You and I weren't allowed to speak to each other for a night and I felt so scared and alone. I knew that I'd be okay if I could just be with you but I was being forced to stay away. I drank too much and stressed myself out about whether I had done you wrong. If I was the kind of person who could abuse you in the way that Brett was suggesting, I thought that made me like Grant or Robbo. And that made me sick.

On top of that, _everyone _was talking about me. Everyone had seen the car and when I gave a talk at the school I got hassle from a lot of the students. Then Hugo, the man I cheated with, found me on the beach. He and I had attempted a couple of dates previously. First he stood me up and then I couldn't stop talking about you and bored the hell out of him. He made some comment about me being gay and I snapped.

I know it was wrong. It was the worst thing I could ever have done. But I was so desperate to be 'normal', to reject the idea that I could be bisexual. I felt so vulnerable and exposed. I didn't know if I would even be allowed to see you again. I felt like my world was ending and I guess I put the final nail in the coffin by sleeping with him.

You asked me, when you found out, if I had enjoyed it. I didn't answer then because I thought I'd throw up if I even tried to talk about it. But no. The honest answer is no. I hated every second of it and I cried myself to sleep. I hated myself at the time and that's stayed with me over these last two years.

I didn't tell you the truth and I deeply regret it. I thought I could keep it a secret, sweep it under the carpet and forget that it ever happened. I knew it would never happen again. If anything, while trying to run away from how messed up I felt about us, I only confirmed to myself how much I loved you and how desperate I was to make our relationship work.

But you found out and you broke up with me. You skipped town the first moment you could and I was lucky to get a goodbye. You told me that you didn't know if you could forgive me but that you'd come back in three months and we could see if we could make it work.

When you didn't show up, I thought you'd decided I wasn't worth it. I tried my best to move on and I made a hell of a lot of mistakes. It was like, once I lost you, I lost everything. My whole life went down the pan and until I found you again, I was so broken. I kept going and I put a smile on my face. I threw myself into relationships that were never going to make me happy.

And they were never going to do that because you're the person I'm supposed to be with. You're the love of my life, Joey. I've never felt so much for another person than I have with you. You mean everything to me and I wish to God that I could go back and do it all differently.

When we came back into each other's lives, I was so happy. Ruby nagged me from the start not to make the same mistake again. She insisted that I had to tell you the truth. I tried to bring myself to do it several times but I always backed out. All I could see in my mind was how hurt you were when you found out the first time, how screwed up I've been since I lost you and how painful it was to tell you other things you'd forgotten because of the accident.

I was terrified of you walking out on me, of losing everything we've built together over the last few months. I was so desperate to keep you but, like the last time, I handled it all wrong. I did try to tell you at the beginning of this week but you'd fallen asleep. And I was genuinely going to tell you tonight.

You told me that you wanted to take things further, that you wanted to be with me in a physical way. I was so happy at the thought of being intimate with you again. I felt like the luckiest girl alive to have been granted not one but two chances with you. I knew I had to take the risk and be honest with you. I couldn't do anything more than hold you and kiss you based on a lie.

And I know I lied. I know I messed up. I know I should have been honest with you from the start. And not just this time. Last time... If only I hadn't been stupid enough to betray you in the first place. And if only, if I _was_ that stupid, I had told you the truth from the beginning. I have wondered so many times if you might have stayed and given me another chance if you hadn't found out the way you did.

I don't know how you found out this time. Maybe you remembered it suddenly or maybe someone told you. Either way, I am just so sorry that it wasn't me. I had the chance to be honest with you and I blew it. And now I doubt I'm going to get a third chance with you. I know I don't deserve it.

But whatever you decide to do from here, please Joey, please know that I love you with all my heart. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You made me so happy the first time and then this time around, everything has been so perfect. I know I did wrong but I hope, whenever you think of me now, you might eventually be able to see past it. I hope you're able to hold onto my few good qualities – that I tried to help you get back on your feet.

You've always been too good for me, Joey. I didn't blame you the first time you walked out on me and as much as it breaks my heart, I don't blame you now. I never deserved you in the first place. You're so perfect. You always have been. You're beautiful, intelligent and you have the most incredible heart. You're funny and loving. You gave me everything you had and I trashed it. And for that, I will never forgive myself. I know it's not even nearly enough now but whether you want it or not, you will always have my love.

I will never get over losing you and I will never stop longing for the day when you might be able to forgive me. If I had another chance with you, I'd make sure I did everything right. I'd give you all that I have and all that I am. I'd work so hard to be the perfect girlfriend and give you every single thing you could want. I'd give you all my love. I'd give you everything.

Even if you couldn't love me back, if I could be your friend or something like that... anything. If I could be any part of your life, however insignificant, I'd be right there. I know desperation isn't a very good look but right now it's all I can offer. I am desperate to keep you, in any way I can. I'm desperate to love you and to make things right between us.

You're my sun, my moon and my stars. You always have been. And you always will be. I love you so much, Joey. And I'm so sorry for everything. You make me a better person and that's really quite a feat, considering how many mistakes I've made over the last thirty two years.

I'm running out of words now so I'll close and let you get back to your life. If there is anything you ever need or want from me, it's yours. I'm yours. Always and forever.

Love, Charlie xxx

* * *

><p><em>Next time… Joey responds to Charlie's email…<em>


	28. Chapter 28

_Hi, everyone. I just wanted to say thank you for all your feedback over my last few updates. It will be a while before some fics, like _A Different Way _and _Dear Diary _come to an end so as long as you want me to keep posting, I will. Thank you again. You all really lifted me on what was a really difficult day. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

Charlie had eaten her weight in ice cream and drunk too much wine. With VJ in bed and Miles banished, Leah and Ruby were doing everything they possibly could to cheer her up. But her tears continued to flow. She had to continually blow her nose and generally felt hopeless.

"How could I be so fucking stupid?" Charlie wailed. "Twice! I mean, seriously... who even gets two chances with someone as amazing as Joey? And ruins it both times! I'm such a waste of space..."

They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"I'll go," Charlie said when Leah and Ruby both hesitated. "If it's a dodgy salesman, he'll take one look at me and run off."

Wiping her eyes and sniffing, Charlie made her tearful way to the door. She stopped abruptly, her mouth hanging open when she saw Joey standing meekly on the doorstep. The two women gazed at each other for several long moments before Charlie felt suddenly embarrassed by how she looked.

"I wasn't expecting to..." she said, hurriedly rubbing her face and hoping she didn't look as hideous as she felt.

"Nor was I," Joey admitted. "And that bus journey is a bitch, especially twice in one day."

Charlie continued to stare.

"Can I come in?" Joey asked hopefully.

Mute and numb, Charlie nodded and stepped back. Leah and Ruby poked their heads around the doorway and then disappeared in order to give Charlie and Joey some privacy.

"Joey, I'm so sorry for..." Charlie began.

"I know," Joey replied softly.

Charlie couldn't look away. She followed Joey's lead by sitting at the table with her.

"I got your message," Joey explained. "The email."

Charlie nodded, although alcohol was making her memory a little fuzzy. She decided not to complain about it. If ever there was an inappropriate person to discuss memory loss with, it was poor Joey.

"Why didn't you just tell me the truth, Charlie?" Joey said.

"Because I was terrified of losing you," Charlie replied honestly. "The whole reason you're in the mess you are is because of me. If I hadn't been such a terrible girlfriend, you never would have left and..."

Joey nodded. She couldn't deny it was true.

"Although," she said. "Who knows how life would have turned out based on any of the decisions we've made?"

She tried to smile. Charlie smiled weakly back.

"I'm really hurt, Charlie," Joey admitted.

"I know," Charlie said. "If there's anything I can..."

"You can let me talk?" Joey requested, gently, not unkindly.

Charlie nodded and fell silent. Her heart hammered in her chest.

"I'm really hurt," Joey repeated. "I'm hurt all over again that you cheated on me. As soon as Brett told me, the truth came flooding back into my brain. I mean, I still don't remember much of my life but I remembered the moment I found out that you'd slept with whatever his name was behind my back."

Charlie resisted asking about Brett. How had he become involved again?

"You lost your earring," Joey recalled. "And when I returned that man's phone, I found it in his house and I knew..."

Charlie nodded and closed her eyes. She rubbed her temples, desperate to block everything out.

"I know I don't remember that much," Joey said. "I mean, I have a clearer idea about who I was but it's not perfect and it might never be. I might always have to look back with black holes, you know?"

"I know," Charlie almost whispered.

"And that's where the extra hurt comes from," Joey said. "Because you've been like a beacon of light for me over the last few weeks. I cried from sheer happiness the first time I started talking to you. You've given me so much. And I'm hurt that you used my situation against me."

"Joey, I really didn't mean to..."

"But you did," Joey interrupted. "I was trusting you to help me. I was trusting you to be honest, to help me fill in the blanks that I might never truly remember. I was trusting you to help me put my life back together."

Charlie closed her eyes but tears fell anyway. Joey swallowed, upset at her girlfriend's despair.

"You abused my trust," Joey said. "You let me fall in love with you. You knew that I'd left town because you hurt me so badly and then you let me love you, kiss you, hold you, feel ready to sleep with you... essentially losing my virginity again because I don't remember the first time."

She sighed heavily. Charlie rubbed her eyes until they hurt.

"Would you have really told me the whole truth before we'd done that?" Joey asked.

"Yes," Charlie said. "I never would have gone that far without being honest. I just..."

She took a breath and attempted to explain.

"I love you so much," she said. "I loved you then and I made a huge mistake. I cost myself the most wonderful relationship I've ever had. And that's not just because all my other relationships were awful – but it's because you were so amazing. I've missed you every day that you've been gone. I was so happy when I found you again. I fell back in love with you so quickly and easily. It almost felt like no time had passed."

She tentatively reached out and held Joey's hands across the table, relieved when she didn't pull away.

"I knew I had to do the right thing," Charlie explained. "I knew it but I was so happy to be with you again. It meant so much to me to be able to call myself your girlfriend. I feel even more strongly for you than I did before and I didn't even know that was possible. I thought that if I told you the truth then I'd lose you forever. And I couldn't bear it. Every time I tried to tell you, I just kept remembering what it was like without you. And I just kept trying to give myself one more day before you left me again. I'm so sorry. I'm so angry with myself for getting it all wrong again."

Not wanting to let go of Joey's hands, Charlie let her tears drip onto the table top.

"Please?" she said. "Is there anything I could do to make things right with you? Anything?"

Joey took a breath and looked Charlie directly in the eye. Charlie was a little startled to find that Joey was looking tearful too.

"Here's how it's all piecing itself together in my head," Joey said. "I don't remember a lot of what happened between us before. I know that I loved you. During some of the flashbacks I've had, I could literally _feel _how much I loved you. And I could feel how much pain I was in when I left too."

Charlie looked down, a lump aching in her throat.

"But I do feel like, maybe this is worth something."

Charlie looked up sharply, hardly daring to hope. Joey smiled wistfully.

"What are the odds that I'd leave town, lose my memory and then randomly get talking to you on the Internet?" she said. "What are the odds that after everything that happened between us, we'd find out way back to each other?"

She felt Charlie's hands begin to tremble.

"And even if you lied about one thing, you were honest about so many other things, even things you found it difficult to share – like what happened to me and what happened to you. If I've learnt anything over the past couple of years, it's that you have to hold onto anything that means something to you, anything that makes you happy. And you do make me happy, Charlie. You've breathed new life into me when I thought all was lost. And your actions have hurt me terribly and I can't promise we'll fall back to how we were yesterday but... I want to try. I do understand your reasons for lying. I'm not sure I get exactly why you cheated on me in the first place but I'd like to talk about that. I'm guessing that's not something we really did before I ran away."

Charlie shook her head in mute confirmation. She could hardly believe what Joey was saying.

"So..." Joey ventured. "If you want to, I'd like to try and find a way through this. Together."

Speechless, Charlie stood and hurried round to Joey's side of the table. She knelt down, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist, burying her face against her tummy. Tears flowed from both of them as Joey ran her hands through Charlie's hair and kissed the top of her head. All she could hear was Charlie telling her that she loved her over and over again.

"I love you too, Charlie," she whispered back.

* * *

><p><em>Next time… Charlie and Joey rebuild their relationship…<em>


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

It had been a month and slowly but surely, Charlie and Joey were working through their problems and learning to be in a relationship again. More and more memories had started to surface for Joey and most of them were very welcome. It had taken a while for her to completely trust Charlie but fortunately, the sense that secrets were being kept were fading away. Now, when Joey gazed at her girlfriend, she saw love in her eyes. She knew that Charlie had learnt from her mistakes – however slowly – and they were working hard on their relationship.

With the weekend off work, Charlie had eagerly driven to the clinic in order to pick her girlfriend up. She was desperately looking forward to spending time with her and could hardly wait for their weekend to begin. Long gone were the days with partners like Angelo, whom she could pretty much take or leave for company. Now, Charlie counted the days between visits and was trying very hard not to burst out and ask Joey to move in with her.

While Charlie was utterly sure of her feelings for Joey and had a strong desire to make a bigger commitment, she couldn't help but worry that her girlfriend still didn't quite trust her. It was nothing Joey said or did, just her own residual lack of forgiveness for herself. Joey had assured her that all the bad things were water under the bridge but Charlie still felt terribly guilty. Sometimes she felt overwhelmed at the realisation of how close she had almost come to losing Joey again. If her beloved girlfriend hadn't been so compassionate, Charlie knew she would have spent the rest of her life lonely and full of self loathing.

Consumed with her own thoughts, Charlie pulled into the car park. Spotting her, Joey waved and hurried over with her humble overnight back. Grinning, any anxieties that had been charging through Charlie's brain were quickly forgotten. Now was a time to be happy.

* * *

><p>That night, curled up in bed together, Charlie felt like a hormonal teenager as she and Joey made out in the dark. She hoped that thrills would never stop shooting through her as she came into such close contact with her girlfriend.<p>

"Charlie?" Joey almost whispered through the dark.

She pulled away slightly but retained hold of Charlie's hand.

"Yes?" the police officer replied.

"I um... well, I was thinking... um..."

Charlie half smiled, squeezing Joey's hand and waiting patiently for her to continue.

"Okay, well the thing is..." Joey ventured.

For one, heart stopping moment, Charlie feared rejection.

"I love you so much," Joey said sincerely, allaying Charlie's silent fears.

"I love you too," Charlie replied. "And I know I messed up before but..."

Joey placed her index finger on Charlie's lips. Charlie couldn't help but smile against her touch. Joey took her finger away and replaced it with her lips.

"I really love you," she said, barely pulling away. "You've brought so much joy to my life. I know we had a shaky few days and I know a lot of bad things happened when we tried to make things work the first time. But right here, right now, I am happier than I ever thought I could be. Before you and I started talking, I literally had nothing in my life. And I certainly never thought I'd be in a position to get my memories back. I know I still have a lot of black holes where my memories should be but I'm making so much progress and I know that's because of you."

She smiled through the dark, her heart racing a little.

"And... well, what I'm trying – in a really rubbish way – to say is that I love you and if you wanted to, I think I'm ready to take... to take the next step."

She smiled again, feeling ever so shy.

"Are you sure?" Charlie asked hesitantly.

"I'm sure," Joey said. "I thought maybe we could do what we nearly did before. Like, rent a hotel room and recreate what we had the first time. You never know, it might even spark something in my mind. I think it would be a nice way of starting afresh with each other, but at the same time, confirming that everything that happened in the past is forgiven and forgotten – no pun intended."

She smirked. Charlie laughed and kissed her, pulling her closer against her warm body beneath the blankets.

"I'd love to do that," she said. "We can book a room tomorrow and really make things perfect. Having said that, if we get there and you change your mind or something, that's okay too. You know that?"

Joey grinned.

"I know," she said softly. "And I know it's not technically true but for me, it would be like losing my virginity. And I am so, so happy it's with you, with someone I love so much."

They kissed again, gently in the darkening night, oblivious to anything but each other.

* * *

><p><em>Next time… Joey regains another memory and she and Charlie consummate their relationship…<em>


	30. Chapter 30

_I probably won't be updating tomorrow as I have one of my best, best, best friends visiting from Australia this weekend. (She's visiting other people too – she hasn't come from the other side of the world just for two days!) So, depending on what time she gets up in the morning, I may or may not update. So I will throw in an extra chapter today, just in case. I hope you enjoy this. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Thirty**

The following evening, Charlie and Joey parked outside the hotel they had booked. Charlie had gone to great pains not only to book the same hotel but also to stay in the same room as they had before. Sitting in the car outside, she and Joey gazed a little nervously at each other.

"Ready?" Charlie asked anxiously.

Joey smiled, leant over and kissed her.

"Very ready," she said.

Climbing out of the car, with small bags on their shoulders, they held hands and approached the building.

"Did we hold hands before?" Joey wondered.

"Yes," Charlie said. "We'd been making out in the car for about two hours before we decided that we should get a room somewhere. We didn't have overnight bags though. It kind of took us by surprise."

She blushed in the moonlight. Joey smiled at her and squeezed her hand.

"Did you feel shy when we booked?" Joey asked. "I know you were struggling with stuff..."

"Honestly, that night, I was too happy to care what people thought of me," Charlie admitted. "Being with you, especially that first night was pretty much the happiest time of my life. I didn't care about anything but you."

Her smile faltered when she silently added that she wished she'd been able to sustain it and therefore not have made so many stupid mistakes. Reading her mind, Joey paused outside the hotel. She turned to face Charlie, moving in closer and placing her hands delicately on her hips.

"We drew a line under the past, remember?" she said.

Charlie nodded but still felt uncertain. What if she messed up again? What if Joey suddenly changed her mind about wanting to be with her?

"Let's go get booked in," Joey said, leading the way into the hotel again.

* * *

><p>Arriving in their room, Charlie and Joey dumped their bags on the floor and stood, gazing at each other. A little shyly, Charlie stepped forward and placed her hands on Joey's hips.<p>

"This was the same room we were in the first time," she said.

Joey's eyes lit up in surprise. She grinned.

"We stood right here and kissed," Charlie said, leaning in to do just that. "And you asked me if I was sure. I told you that I'd never been surer of anything in my life. And we kissed again."

Joey leant forward and kissed her softly on the lips, gazing into her eyes.

"Are _you _sure?" Charlie asked.

"I've never been surer of anything in my life," Joey whispered.

They kissed again, feeling their way back towards the bed. When she felt the mattress against her legs, Joey sat down and leaned back, pulling Charlie on top of her. They kissed tenderly as if it was the first time. Joey closed her eyes as she felt Charlie's warm breath. She felt her lips trail along her jaw and to her collar bone. She smiled as Charlie ran her fingertips over her body, tentatively reaching for the bottom of her t-shirt. Opening her eyes again, Joey removed her top and immediately helped Charlie with her own.

"Just when I think you can't get more beautiful," she murmured.

Despite months of sharing a bed, neither woman had opted to get undressed in front of each other yet. Tonight would be a night of many firsts. Charlie blushed as they met again, kissing with growing passion. She felt her heart race in her chest, hardly able to believe that this was really happening. She had got so many things wrong in her life but she was never going to hurt Joey again.

"I love you so much," she whispered as she straddled Joey's hips.

Joey blushed as Charlie reached out, running her fingertips along the delicate contours of her body. She lowered her lips, kissing Joey's torso and then between her breasts. She offered a devilish smile as she returned to her lips.

"I love you too," Joey replied. "In case that wasn't completely obvious by now."

Charlie grinned, easing Joey up slightly so that she could reach round and undo her bra.

"If you want to keep convincing me then I'm definitely willing to let you," she said.

Joey smiled, pressing their bodies gently together and reaching out to try and undo Charlie's bra. As they parted, she felt her own garment fall away but doubted she could be quite so smooth.

"This isn't working," she complained, poking her tongue out as she attempted to concentrate.

Charlie giggled as Joey pouted, trying and failing to unfasten the straps. Feeling compassionate, Charlie reached round and undid her own bra.

"I clearly need more practice," Joey said.

Charlie ran a soft tongue along Joey's shoulder, kissing her way down towards her breasts.

"You can practice as much as you like," she whispered.

Joey gasped as she felt Charlie's lips on her nipple, sucking gently and teasing with her tongue. A flood of lust rushed through her as Charlie guided her back onto the bed and setting to work on her body. Tonight meant to much to both of them. Joey was losing her virginity again and Charlie felt like she was healing her own heart with this second chance. She smiled as she felt Joey wriggle beneath her, responding to her touch. Charlie toyed with her playfully, enjoying the way she seemed able to elicit such excitement.

"Mmm," Joey purred as Charlie kissed further down her body.

She trailed her lips down past her belly button and to the top of her jeans. Glancing up again, she checked that Joey was still happy. The dreamy look on her face told her all that she wanted to know. Encouraged, Charlie undid Joey's jeans button and eased down the zip. She shifted off the bed and stood up, removing the jeans completely, as well as her shoes. Returning to the bed, she lay atop Joey again, kissing her lips and slipping her thigh between Joey's legs. She could feel heat pouring out of her girlfriend and it was wonderful to know that Joey wanted her so much.

"You're even more beautiful than I remember," she said, pressing her lips against Joey's neck.

"I feel like my heart's about to explode!" Joey admitted.

She could feel a definite tremble in her body but she didn't object. She loved the way Charlie was able to make her feel. Trembling herself a little, Charlie moved down and rested her lips against where Joey's heart would be. She could indeed feel it pounding. Moving further down, Charlie's own nerves and excitement increased. Two years ago, in this very room, she had been the one who had had no experience with another woman. Joey had been the one to lead the way. Taking a breath, she centred herself and settled between Joey's thighs. There was just one small piece of cotton separating her from Joey. She kissed her through the fabric and heard her squeak in excitement. She kissed again more firmly. Joey legs opened a little wider as she felt Charlie run her tongue along her centre, still protected by underwear. Teasing her further, Charlie slipped a finger just inside, thrilled by how excited her girlfriend clearly was. She was determined to make things as perfect as possible. Joey deserved nothing less.

Shifting a little, Charlie made short work of Joey's underwear, leaving her to lay back, exposed and vulnerable. Charlie sat back and gazed at her, taking in the beauty of her unclothed form. Joey looked a little nervous.

"You really are the most beautiful woman in the world," Charlie murmured.

She enjoyed the way Joey blushed at the compliment. Moving closer again, Charlie stroked her fingers over Joey's clitoris. She heard Joey take a sharp intake of breath as she began to explore. It had been a long time since they'd been together but everything felt so familiar and delicious. She worked her fingers gently, adding her mouth and immersed herself in Joey completely. This was what making love felt like. This was the person she was supposed to be with, to be doing _this _with. This was forever.

"Oh," Joey squeaked breathlessly, gazing up at the white ceiling.

She felt like she would explode any moment as Charlie offered every kind of delightful sensation. She felt Charlie's breath on her, her tongue and her fingers. She gasped, louder and louder and closed her eyes as Charlie moved her closer and closer to climax. Suddenly, all she could see was light. Memories hit her in waves, in sync with the fresh sensations Charlie was providing. She remembered their first time together, right here on this bed. She remembered how she'd felt, physically and emotionally at finally being with the woman she love. An orgasm exploded, taking her by surprise. It almost felt like she was having two at the same time, in her body and in her memories. Her body shook and then relaxed. She felt Charlie kiss her softly, again and again, gently calming her down.

"Are you okay?" Charlie whispered gently, moving to lie beside her.

"Very okay," Joey said breathlessly.

Charlie studied her face, noting her tears. Embarrassed, Joey wiped them away.

"I remembered," she said.

"Remembered?"

"The first time we were here," Joey explained. "I remembered. It was... well, for a first orgasm that was... intense."

She grinned naughtily.

"I'm a very lucky girl in all sorts of ways," she smirked.

Charlie laughed and cuddled up to her. She ran her hands up and down Joey's spine, kissing the top of her head and whispering again and again how much she loved her.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," she said.

Joey moved to look at her, a deliberate glint in her eye.

"I haven't even got started yet," she informed her.

* * *

><p><em>Next time… Charlie and Joey's night continues…<em>


	31. Chapter 31

_Well, this is the penultimate chapter of this fic so I hope you enjoy it. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Thirty One**

Charlie lay back serenely on the bed as Joey trailed kisses from her lips to her jaw, down her neck and upon her shoulder. She closed her eyes and she felt Joey's warm lips land between her breasts.

Taking a breath, Joey allowed her trembling fingers to toy with Charlie's breasts, one at a time. Her heart pounded as she tried to overcome her nerves. She was very aware that she and Charlie had made love several times, but also that it wasn't something she could clearly remember. Memories had come back just now, but any skills or experience she might have in the art of pleasing a woman, were gone.

_Just do what you feel_, she thought to herself. She smiled as she remembered all the things Charlie had done to her. Settling atop her girlfriend, she kissed her breasts, teasing her nipples with her lips, tongue and fingertips. She heard Charlie gasp, moaning in pleasure. Encouraged, Joey lifted her head and kissed Charlie's lips again.

"Please have patience," she said. "I'm a newbie."

Charlie laughed and ran her hands through Joey's hair, pulling her closer again.

"Do you know you just quoted me from the first time we were here... doing this?" she said.

Joey's smile widened.

"Good to know," she said, stealing one more kiss.

"And you were very gentle with me," Charlie said. "So I will be the same with you."

She kissed the tip of her girlfriend's nose.

"Thanks," Joey giggled. "Now... where was I?"

Charlie settled back against the pillows again as Joey kissed her way down her body. She trailed her lips all over her chest and tummy, constantly admiring her beauty. Reaching the top of Charlie's jeans, she sat up and fumbled with the belt, button and zip. Charlie lifted her hips in order to help Joey undress her. She closed her eyes as she felt Joey's lips resume their attention. She could hardly believe that she was truly in this moment. After everything that had happened, and not just since they'd got back together, Charlie could hardly comprehend how lucky she was to be here right now. She gasped as she felt Joey's warm breath drifting closer to the one item of clothing that remained on her body.

Joey swallowed, hoping that she could deliver what she wanted to give. She doubted, although she couldn't be sure, that she had ever been so excited before. For the last two years, she hadn't felt comfortable in her own skin. She hadn't been able to trust herself completely. She hadn't ever thought that she could be truly happy. But now, even without all her memories in tact, she was happier than she could ever imagine being.

She pressed her lips gently against the fabric of Charlie's particularly skimpy underwear. She felt heat come off Charlie's body in waves. Kissing the inside of her thighs, she ran her thumb between her legs. She felt Charlie fidget beneath her and she hoped it was a good sign. Gathering her courage and hoping not to get too excited at the vision before her, Joey eased Charlie out of her underwear. She sat back a little, admiring her girlfriend's body.

Charlie opened her eyes when everything went silent and still. She studied Joey's face, trying to read her. Noticing, Joey grinned.

"You're even more beautiful than I imagined," she said. "And I have imagined you lying just like this lots and lots of times."

"Oh really?" Charlie smirked.

"Mmm," Joey purred, moving to lay against Charlie's body again, kissing her lips and allowing her thigh to press gently between Charlie's legs.

She smiled as Charlie moaned again.

"Lots and lots of times," she whispered.

Quickly but smoothly, she slid back down Charlie's body, offering several heated kisses on the way before she settled between her thighs. She kissed her tenderly, just once and smiled at the response. She hoped that Charlie wasn't hoping for something quick tonight. Joey was eager to take her time.

Charlie clutched the bed covers a little too tightly as she felt Joey begin to explore her gently with her tongue and fingertips. She gazed up at the blank ceiling as she gave into every pleasure her girlfriend was offering. Gasping a little, she felt Joey slip one and then two fingers inside her, testing the boundaries, feeling her way. She hoped that even if Joey never remembered their old life together, that it wouldn't matter because the future would be wonderful.

Joey smiled, seemingly in a world of her own as she teased and toyed with Charlie. Her smile only widened as she felt Charlie writhing beneath her as she built up momentum. She thrust gently but firmly inside her, feeling Charlie rock against her fingers. Pleased with her ability to multitask, she offered as much stimulation to her clitoris that her mouth would allow.

Charlie didn't care who might be able to hear through the thin walls of the hotel room. She climaxed loudly, her heart pounding in her ears as wave after wave of pleasure hit her. In the same way as she once had, Joey continued to stroke her gently with her fingertips as she came down from her high. Perspiring a little and gasping for breath, Charlie finally settled.

Joey kissed her one more time and then moved further up the bed to lie in her girlfriend's arms.

"Was that okay?" she asked meekly.

Charlie couldn't help but laugh at her lack of confidence when she was by far the best lover she had ever known. And she told her so. Joey blushed, kissing her softly on the mouth.

"I love you," she said honestly.

Charlie felt her heart contract as her own feelings surged within her, coursing through her body. She shifted and wrapped her arms tightly around her partner.

"I love you too," she said with the same level of emotion. "You will always be the best thing that's ever happened to me and if you'll let me, I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy."

Joey smiled a little bashfully, resting their foreheads carefully together.

"I think I can live with that," she said.

* * *

><p><em>Next time… Charlie and Joey celebrate their six month anniversary…<em>


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty Two**

"Happy six months," Charlie said, toasting a glass of champagne.

Across the table in the rather expensive restaurant Charlie had picked out, Joey clinked their glasses together.

"Six months," she mused. "That feels like a very big deal."

Charlie grinned.

"It feels like a very big deal for me too," she admitted. "I haven't got through six months with anyone without breaking up at least once."

Suddenly she looked concerned.

"Did we break up?" she asked.

Joey smiled and reached out, touching her hand.

"No," she assured her, knowing that Charlie was referring to the day she had finally found out the truth about their previous relationship and how it had ended. "We fell out. But we didn't break up."

Charlie smiled, looking particularly reassured. She squeezed Joey's hand.

"It probably doesn't mean a whole lot coming from an amnesiac but these have been the best six months of my life," Joey said.

"It means the world," Charlie told her sincerely.

"You've changed my life, Charlie," Joey said. "You've _given _me back a life that I didn't know about. These past two years, I didn't even know who I was. I didn't have a name. I didn't have anything. But when we started talking... you just..."

She sighed, unsure of exactly what she wanted to say.

"You saved me," she finally said. "Again."

Charlie felt her heart hammering away in her chest. She smiled wistfully, gazing into Joey's eyes.

"Honestly," she said. "You've saved me too."

Joey just looked at her in wonder.

"How?" she asked in a small voice, as if she didn't quite believe her.

"I was empty before I met you the first time," Charlie said. "And I screwed everything up. You were always going to be the love of my life and I spent two years hating myself with even more passion than usual for losing you."

She sighed and looked down at the table for a moment. When she looked back up, Joey was surprised to see tears in her eyes.

"And then I nearly stuffed it up again when I got you back," Charlie said, full of shame. "But you came through for me. You gave me one more chance I hope I'm proving myself to you."

"You're amazing," Joey agreed. "I love you."

Charlie smiled and wiped her eyes quickly.

"You make me world complete, Joey," she said. "I didn't think it was even possible to be as happy as I've been for the last six months. You brought a joy to my life that I never knew existed. I'm so in love with you. I..."

She trailed off, realising that she didn't have the words to express what she meant. Joey reached out across the table again and took both of Charlie's hands in hers.

"Then I think we're a pretty good match," she said with a grin.

Charlie laughed and nodded, holding onto Joey.

"I was thinking, actually..." she ventured, nerves evident in her voice.

Joey offered her rapt attention.

"Um... well, uh... I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to but... um..."

"What, Charlie?" Joey asked with an amused smile.

"What do you think about moving in with me? Into the house – you know, with me, Ruby, Leah and VJ?" Charlie asked.

Her words came out in a bit of a rush. Joey paused for a moment, trying to figure out if she had really asked what she thought she had.

"Honestly," Charlie said, when Joey didn't speak. "You don't have to. I'm not going to be upset if you don't. And you might not even be able to because of the hospital and everything but..."

"I'd love to move in with you," Joey said.

"Really?" Charlie squeaked.

Joey smiled and nodded.

"Will your Doctor mind?" Charlie asked.

"My Doctor will be thrilled," Joey told her. "The clinic is only meant to be a stop gap for people. I'm one of the longest patients they've ever had living there because most people find their way back to their families and don't need that level of support. And now... well, now I've found my way back to _my _family so..."

She smiled.

"I'm ready to start the next phase of my life," she said. "With you."

Charlie left her seat and came to kneel by Joey's chair, wrapping her arms around her hips and pulling her close. Oblivious to the world around them, they kissed tenderly. It had been a long road but they were finally ready to start again.

* * *

><p><em>Well, this is the end of this particular story. I don't have anything to replace it just yet but you never know what plots might pop into my brain. Thank you so much to everyone who has read this and especially to those who have taken the time to review, even just once. I hope you like the ending. I will be back with my final update of the day next. Love, IJKS xxx<em>


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